Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 807 of 6452

If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
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04-09-2018 02:12
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How to strengthen your abs: 1. lie down and put your hands behind your head... Wow, what great position for a nap, better take a nap.
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04-09-2018 02:11
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a bisexual a person who pays for sex?
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04-09-2018 00:30
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You know you're broke when American Express calls you and says: "Leave home without it"
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04-09-2018 00:23 by Jake
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Daddy, all the Mexicans are gone, why haven't you got a job yet?
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04-08-2018 22:44
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The first idiot to complain that it’s too hot this summer is getting hit with a 10lb. bag of ice!
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04-08-2018 20:32 by Guest
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I lost money in the John Wayne toilet paper co. The T.P. was so ruff it wouldn't take sh*t off of anybody.
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04-08-2018 18:20 by Jake
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I haven't thought about murder enough lately.
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04-08-2018 14:47
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sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
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04-08-2018 14:25
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Her: I don't get mad. I get even Me: sounds like you're still mad
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04-08-2018 14:23
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Florida traffic is a confusing mix of NASCAR rejects and people old enough to have owned a Model T.
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04-08-2018 14:18
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[during sex] Hey, thanks for doing this with me.
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04-08-2018 14:11
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I’m wingin’ it so hard I might fly away.
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04-08-2018 14:08
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If I can’t taste myself on your beard when your finished, then your not done licking.
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04-08-2018 14:01
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You kiss the end, then seductively lick the length without breaking eye contact as you place it in your mouth. I love the way you eat bacon.
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04-08-2018 13:59
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I'm at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I'm usually fine with going home.

"It wasn’t me" - First rule of fart club
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04-08-2018 13:46
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Ever wake up, look in the mirror, and wonder why Courtney Love is in your bathroom?
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04-08-2018 11:05
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Pizza grease is my essential oil.
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04-08-2018 11:02
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I just started a club for people who hate people. I’m the only member. No you can’t join because I hate you.