Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Daddy, all the Mexicans are gone, why haven't you got a job yet?
←Rate | 04-08-2018 22:44 Comments (1)  


   messageicon ‪The first idiot to complain that it’s too hot this summer is getting hit with a 10lb. bag of ice!‬
←Rate | 04-08-2018 20:32 by Guest Comments (0)  


   messageicon I lost money in the John Wayne toilet paper co. The T.P. was so ruff it wouldn't take sh*t off of anybody.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 18:20 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon I haven't thought about murder enough lately.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:47 Comments (1)  


   messageicon sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: I don't get mad. I get even Me: sounds like you're still mad
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Florida traffic is a confusing mix of NASCAR rejects and people old enough to have owned a Model T.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [during sex] Hey, thanks for doing this with me.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m wingin’ it so hard I might fly away.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I can’t taste myself on your beard when your finished, then your not done licking.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:01 Comments (1)  


   messageicon You kiss the end, then seductively lick the length without breaking eye contact as you place it in your mouth. I love the way you eat bacon.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 13:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I'm usually fine with going home.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 13:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "It wasn’t me" - First rule of fart club
←Rate | 04-08-2018 13:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever wake up, look in the mirror, and wonder why Courtney Love is in your bathroom?
←Rate | 04-08-2018 11:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pizza grease is my essential oil.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 11:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just started a club for people who hate people. I’m the only member. No you can’t join because I hate you.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 11:02 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was promised a bigger paycheck! Not in size!!!!!
←Rate | 04-08-2018 03:12 Comments (5)  


   messageicon It is true, welfare checks are now 1/8 an inch bigger.
←Rate | 04-07-2018 13:08 Comments (1)  


   messageicon First time I’ve been up early for Saturday morning cartoons in awhile.
←Rate | 04-07-2018 12:01 by Smeebert Comments (0)  


   messageicon I often wonder what tomatoes🍅 did to make the other fruits 🍇🍐🍊🍌to disown them and force them to live as vegetables🤔
←Rate | 04-07-2018 05:31 Comments (0)  




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