jake Funny Status Messages

   I spent alot of time trying to get all of my eldest relatives together in one room with no luck............. Then BINGO

   Where do babies like to go for lunch....... Hooters

   It's been 10 years since I was in school. But every day the school bully still takes my lunch money........ He works at Mc. Donalds.

   What type of car does an electrician drive........ A Volts-wagon.

   . When Chewbacca needs to go does he use a toilet, or dose Han Solo take him for a walk?

   Starcents, it's like Starbucks only cheaper.

   Cruelty is people with back pain having to bend over at the pharmacy to get a tube of Bengay from the bottom shelf.

   What is a person who goes off their diet called? A deserter

   If woman are so good at multitasking. Then why can't they sit down and shut up?

   Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner's high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.

   I find it annoying when old people poke me at wedding and say "you'll be next." So I started to do the same thing to them at funerals.

   A woman arrested for prostitution. Judge: How do you plead? Woman: Not guilty. I'm a sales woman. Judge: What do you sell ? Woman: Condoms with a free demontration.

   Finally found my wife's G spot....... Her sister had it all along.

   Confuciushe says: Man who fight with wife all day, gets no piece at night.

   God gave us shins so we could find things in the dark.

   My wife and I broke because of my gambling...... I hit the lottery and left her.

   Gave my boss a mother's day card. Because "he" is one of the top ten mothers on my list.

   You know a restaurant must be serving bad food when you see a mouse throwing up in the restroom.

   Bought a stick deodarant. Instruction say "remove cap and push up bottom"....... I have trouble walking, but when I fart, the room does smells nice.

   When I see "you are here" on a map makes me wonder how did they know I was going to be there.