hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   Kids these days are spoiled. Ipads, smart phones, video games, etc. But they'll never know the joy of putting an Ozzy Osborne cassette tape in a Teddy Ruxpin

   Some lady just told me that she was terrible at math and that she flunked "algeber". I'm sure she excelled in English class though.

   WARNING: "There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's" is apparently not a valid defense for Indecent Exposure.

   I use my birthday as an excuse to do whatever the hell I want. So basically it's just like every other day, except with presents.

   I know there's no such thing as evolution because if there was my Facebook page would've grown a "punch" button by now.

   Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the heck down.

   I've decided I'm not going to have kids. I love babies, but I'm just not ready for the commitment of uploading that many photos to Facebook.

   I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 2 minutes.

   I found Samuel L. Jackson's swear jar and I don't think he's being completely honest with himself.

   It's very important that EVERYONE gets a flu shot this year so I don't have to.

   Had a man with a Prius ask me for a jump start in the grocery store parking lot today. I threw a triple a battery at him. Good luck douche bag.

   I need more pets because I'm running out of passwords.

   I'm old enough to remember when a car on the back of a tow truck meant transmission problem rather than repossession problem.

   I hope I never die in a bar cause if someone calls a priest, a rabbi or a minister my life is gonna end up as one big joke.

   People hate pigeons because "they are dirty and spread diseases" but the Kardashians and the cast of Jersey Shore do it and pigeons don't hate them....just sayin

   If they made Siri a man's voice I'd trust the directions more.

   It makes me sad to think there are people in this world who have a favorite Kardashian.

   Everyone at this Walgreens is acting like I'm the only person to ever scream out their safe word while getting a flu shot.

   People act all surprised that there's a bacon shortage, as if they have never seen a single episode of Honey Boo Boo.

   Our kids will never know the terror of calling their crush on a landline and having their parents answer the phone.