doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   I'd love to see the headlines if the day ever came that Arnold Schwarzenegger was diagnosed with a tumor.

   I am the type of person who would find having super powers a real hassle

   Even if I hit the gym hard, the best I could hope for is to be 1950's Tarzan shape.

   Slipping a tasteful nude photo into my work file... couldn't hurt at this point.

   I never did learn how to set the time on a VCR. These kids have no idea how good they have it.

   I can turn any song into the explict version if I dont really know the words.

   its Columbus Day! Find some people who look comfortable and make them move!

   Sometimes I think I got away with all the alcohol I've drank...but then I drool mid thought and realize...nope.

   I just plugged in a USB cord on the first try. Some lucky lady is in for a treat tonight.

   On arrrr Talk Like a Pirate Day, ye should take a moment to remember being in Davy's grip during the big rat scurvy epidemic.

   “Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.”

   Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture.

   Fall is fast approaching. Time to sew all my jean legs back on.

   Taylor Swift just waved at a boy and he didn't wave back so now she's got a new album coming out tomorrow.

   How much for this stat us? Sir, it was on here yesterday. I must have it!

   Wait a second! Alan Thicke's sone sings that hit R&B song? But I thought Kirk Cameron was a televangelist?

   Sorry I pee peed all over your bathroom, but my Shakira ringtone came on and my hips reacted naturally.

   If Michael Douglas ever gets rectal cancer we're in for one hell of a story.

   Just saw a girl in cutoff jean shorts so unbelievable short that you could see private parts sticking out the bottom of mine.

   my stomach growled and made the exact noise a dodgeball makes when bouncing off the fat kid.