Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   “I've dissected our earlier conversation and I think I might be mad at you.” - WOMEN

   I miss the good old days before social media when adults acted like four year olds in private.

   Let me stop you right there. You just made me think of a status.

   Could you imagine knowing someone interesting enough to actually want to talk on the phone? Me neither.

   Have as much sex as possible while you're still single. You can abstain when you get married.

   They called it boxing because fisting was already taken.

   I listen to gangsta rap sprinkled with a little Adele. Will I murder you? Will I buy you a puppy? You never know.

   anyone else gonna run for President or is this all we have?

   Compliments are for women. Accusations are for men.

   The only time I believe in luck is when a married man has sex.

   Gf: are you crying right now? Me: *hides Adele's new album* what? hell no. Real men don't cry babe.

   Not now kids. I'm managing my online empire.

   Taking care of your drunk friends inadvertently prepares you to be a father or mother.

   You changed your profile picture and I changed my mind.

   Candy Crush just sold for $6 billion in case anyone is looking for a reason to join ISIS

   For you to insult me, I first have to acknowledge your existence.

   A woman told me that I was right today. Did hell finally freeze over?

   Avoiding responsibility one bottle of vodka at a time.

   Some of you ladies really need more practice hiding your crazy, at least until he marries you.

   Whenever life knocks me down, I just roll over and gaze at the stars!