Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

   If you're happy and you know it.......you're probably single.

   Real men kill spiders for their women with no goddamn backtalk.

   So Taylor Swift is single? Again? Please allow me to express my sincere shock at this sudden and unexpected turn of events.

   I love myself but I'm not "post pictures of myself everyday on my Facebook wall" love myself.

   That a wkward m oment when you realize the last stair you thought was there isn't.

   A cop stopped me and said "License please" so I offered him a donut and said "I donut have one" and we laughed and laughed and now I am behind bars.

   I'm so high I could eat a cloud.

   Never underestimate a woman's ability to make you apologize when she is the one who is clearly in the wrong.

   My life is a constant panic attack occasionally interrupted by a nap

   The next time someone says to me "This too shall pass" they'd better be talking about a joint.

   I would walk over Legos for you.

   As long as we don't let our feelings get in the way, this could be the start of something beautiful.

   Earthquakes only happen when Johnny Depp breaks eye contact with Tim Burton.

   No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.

   If you try to use Apple's iOS 6 maps, you might discover a new unchartered continent.

   There's a special place in he'll for autocorrect

   I may be on Santa's naughty list but at least I had fun getting there.

   No I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at what I think of you.

   Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.

   Either the world didn't end, or heaven looks a lot like my apartment.