Abraham Lincoln Funny Status Messages

   Life is all about A$$! You are either covering it! Kissing it! Busting it! Laughing it off! Trying to get a piece of it! ......Or you live with one!!!

   You know as soon as my ''Swear Jar'' gets full, I'm going to use the money to get a Fking Puppy!!!

   Kris Humphries of the Nets signed a 2yr $24 Million Dollar contract! Not bad considering the Nets are owned by Jay-Z, who's bestfriend is Kanye West, who is banging Humphries ex-wife!!!

   Try this: Tell your children over dinner, ''Due to the Economy,We are going to have to let one of you go!!!

   The NewYork Knicks announced they are going to cut off Beer sales after the 3rd Quarter of games starting next season! Not to worry though, that's just for point guard Jason Kidd!!!

   I need a job! I can't eat Healthcare!!!

   I don't know what all this fuss is about Same Sex Marriage! Me and my wife have been having the same sex for 21yrs! It's boring but it isn't worth getting all upset over!!!

   I used to be a People Person, but People ruined it for me!!!

   The key to a long and good relationship is to keep the fights clean, and the sex dirty!!!

   My 3yr old doesn't like onions on his donut! Onions= shredded coconut!

   Thankyou for calling Comcast America's #1 Cable Co. My name is Habib Akmed Musaffa Akmed Habib, How may I mis-understand you today?!!!

   The villian in the new batman movie is named ''Bain''........I know that Obama has something to do with this!!!

   Roses are Red! The Sun is Gold!....Now get on your knee's and do as you're told!!!

   I have one nerve left! And you're dry humping it!....Go Away!!!

   They are making us take down American Flags off Bridges, Fire Trucks all across America! Watch, The National Christmas Tree is next, because it offends some people! Take back our Country before it's too Late!

   The harder you work, the luckier you get!!!...........Make it happen for yourself!

   Happy Birthday to the Greatest Invention you don't appreciate enough unless you don't have it! On this day 110yrs ago Dr. Kerry invented the Air Conditioner!!!

   If a guys says ''I can't feel anything wearing trhis condom!'' Ask him if he can feel you sucking the money out of his paycheck for trhe next 18 years!!!''

   Why don't you slip into something nice like a ______________

   Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning but the Hampster was dead?!!!