friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   Fourth of July weekend is when we finally get to play our favorite American guessing game, Firework or Gunshot!!!

   The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest

   Screw the government, let's all smoke weed this weekend

   This Friday, Finding Dory will be release in theaters as well as Season 4 of Orange is the new Black on Netflix. One is about the adventures of a lost soul in a sea of fish searching for love. The other is made by Pixar.

   I have seen so many Smart cars this holiday weekend with out of state plates, I'm assuming there's a clown convention somewhere nearby.

   The very best time to re-examine your life is after you’ve had too much to drink on Memorial Day long weekend.

   Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.

   Memorial Day Weekend is coming up and Summer is just around the corner. I can tell because the UPS guy asked me to put sun block on his legs.

   .... Told the wife that next long weekend I'm gonna actually get off the couch and take those Christmas lights down. Unless I see a spider then the whole things off.

   I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.

   Dear Weekend, I swear the weekdays mean nothing to me. You're the one I want to be with.

   I tried making some rabbit stew this past weekend, but my wife complained that there was a hare in it.

   Sorry you're an athiest and have no one to thank it's Friday.

   Questions To Ask Coworkers/Friends Every Friday: What do you mean I'm crazy? Have the unicorns been spreading vicious ugly rumors about me again?

   Oh I so enjoy reading on weekend nights on things that I could have been doing.

   I am wondering what type of Easter eggs they are eating this weekend at Trump rallies....

   What do we tell Jesus when he comes back to earth and finds out we call the day of his death Good Friday? He be all like ... WTF?

   My goal for Easter weekend is to move just enough each day to make sure no one thinks I'm dead.

   So looking forward to all the Easter weekend mattress sales.

   Plans for the weekend? Lie in bed and move just enough so people don't think I'm dead.