Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 798 of 6383
just had a near-work experience...
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12-23-2017 21:58
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The fact that we have to buy trash bags just to throw those same bags in the trash is why I'm angry today...
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12-23-2017 18:58 by Gabe
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My girlfriend Polly Esther never complains.
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12-23-2017 18:16
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"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
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12-23-2017 13:21 by Gabe
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If you never climbed across the living room furniture as a child, pretending the floor was made out of lava, or built a fort out of cushions and blankets, you didn't have a real childhood.
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12-23-2017 12:19 by Gil
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I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
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12-23-2017 03:16
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Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you said you were gay.
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12-23-2017 01:25
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Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
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12-22-2017 23:19
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The phrase "hooray for our side" was coin by men who watched lady Godiva ride her horse side saddle.
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12-22-2017 22:09
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it a bad thing that Siri does not recognize my voice unless I have food in my mouth?
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12-22-2017 18:02
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Take your spouse to IKEA from time to time to check out the status of your relationship
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12-22-2017 18:00
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I am waiting for the Fitbit upgrade that lets me buy 5000 extra steps
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12-22-2017 17:57 by markf
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The fastest way to end a perfect family moment is to try to take a picture of it
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12-22-2017 17:55
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If we didn't have phones and had to go back to writing notes to each other on paper the hardest part would be drawing all the emojis
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12-22-2017 17:51 by markf
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How does the Little Mermaid decide which sea creatures are her friends and which ones are her bra?
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12-22-2017 17:47
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By this point in December anytime I type 'amazing' into my phone it changes to Amazon so time to cut back online shopping and your sweater looks Amazon.
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12-22-2017 17:43
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Apparently, my neighbor's nativity scene proves that he believes there was a Minion in Bethlehem
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12-22-2017 17:29
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If aliens landed today they would think that our phones are mind control devices that -- hey I just got another text
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12-22-2017 17:26
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Spice up the holidays with random quotation marks: "Merry" Christmas to your family / Merry Christmas to "your" family / Merry Christmas to your "family"
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12-22-2017 17:24
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It's disturbing to think that somewhere, someone might be listening to a Sane Clown Posse
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12-22-2017 17:22
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