Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon ;) A mistress is someone between a mister and a mattress
←Rate | 04-13-2018 02:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I did 5 squats today so if you catch me looking a little thick tomorrow don't be alarmed
←Rate | 04-12-2018 14:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a double agent goes rogue. At long last looks like Trump has turned on his Russian handlers.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 14:37 Comments (1)  


   messageicon "I'd love to be your widow, someday" - me flirting
←Rate | 04-12-2018 13:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wife [with me in a headlock] Stop saying “Dilly dilly”
←Rate | 04-12-2018 13:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe I should have just gotten in the van.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 08:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
←Rate | 04-12-2018 07:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a search warrant is not a break in .
←Rate | 04-12-2018 02:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon MASA - Make America Smart Again
←Rate | 04-12-2018 02:14 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I’m tired of not having any plans to cancel.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 02:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish people who say 'thanks, but no thanks' would make up their mind on where they stand on gratitude.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stand by the unlikely threat I made when I thought you couldn’t hear me.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relationship status: Maybe it’s time I learn to crochet
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some days parenting's like The Sound of Music but with less singing and more hiding from the Nazis.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll never forget the thrill of that first kiss or the night I decided to keep someone else's Tupperware.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The way Fox news channel distorts the news they should change their name to FAUX NEWS :)
←Rate | 04-11-2018 23:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i thought mark zukerberg was supposed to look like justin timberlake?
←Rate | 04-11-2018 16:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want my obituary to read: "She laid down the boogie and played that funky music till she died."
←Rate | 04-11-2018 15:41 by ZumbaDi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daddy, when will our GP waiting time go down, now all the foreign doctors have gone home?
←Rate | 04-11-2018 14:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your post only says "I can't even" then I'm assuming the rest of it was meant to say "finish a complete sentence!"
←Rate | 04-11-2018 13:09 Comments (0)  




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