Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 791 of 6383
Donald J. Trump. The "J" stands for genius.
You millenials have it so good --- we could only like 6 songs max and had to carve their names in a rock
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01-09-2018 18:02
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How do dragons blow out candles on their birthday cake?
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01-09-2018 17:58 by markf
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I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It's useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
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01-09-2018 17:33
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If given a choice between getting a tattoo or throwing my money on the ground, whoever is behind me is going to be very happy!
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01-09-2018 13:36
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Be nice to overweight people. They have a lot on their plate.
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01-09-2018 11:21
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I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, I couldn't snap out of it...Then I realized Iād just put my hoodie on backwards.
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01-09-2018 01:54
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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he's adopted.
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01-08-2018 17:44
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Inside my house I have a smaller house that keeps food cold and an even smaller house that heats food up...
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01-08-2018 12:35
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It's so cold out... the guy at Super America has a towel on his head.
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01-08-2018 11:45 by MDS
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Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
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01-08-2018 11:43 by MDS
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According to Webster's dictionary, "Patriotism" is defined as loving a country. "Gay" is defined as one man loving another world leader who happens to be a man.
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01-08-2018 11:31
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I've gotten to the age where if I see a coin lying on the ground I figure anything less that a quarter isn't worth the aches and pains of leaning over to pick it up.
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01-08-2018 09:34
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When I was young I took drugs to blow my mind. Now I take drugs not to lose it.
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01-08-2018 09:33
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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
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01-08-2018 09:33
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I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll keep you posted.
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01-08-2018 09:32
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If the movies have taught me anything it's that sooner or later that car chase is gonna crash through a fruit stand.
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01-08-2018 09:32
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I don't know about you, but I've thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
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01-08-2018 09:31
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Costco: Where you can go broke saving money...
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01-08-2018 09:20
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Fire fighters confirmed that the fire did not start in Trumps library š
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01-08-2018 08:13
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