Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane, and a "Where in the hell am I?" lane.

   Roses are red, Facebook is blue. You look bangable, so I'll add you.

   You ever check your weight before and after you sh!t? I tried it and I gained weight. I think I did something seriously wrong.

   Yeah, I felt bad rejecting her friend request on Facebook, but come on! Isn't it enough that I'm in a relationship with her? Now I got to be her friend too?

   Yeeeehaaaaaw! I just won the Rolling Office Chair Derby!!! Crossed the finish line backwards while giving my opponents the double bird.

   I want to live my life like a fly, pester as many people and get into as much sh!t as possible before I die.

   This morning I had to stare death directly in the eyes! Well, it was my ex, but she looks dead and it was still scary.

   Nothing better then waking up with the woman YOU love. :) - Me, waking up with the woman YOU love......

   When I am on vacation I put in my Out of Office message to contact Batman with any problems, as I feel he is the only one qualified to replace me anyway.

   Are you single single or internet single?

   If you sleep with someone, then try to sneak out in the morning, you are an ASS! First you have to delete your number from their phone, THEN sneak out. Come on people, use your heads.

   It never fails, when a girl steals my Facebook status she gets a ton more "likes" than I did. :(

   I wonder if Winnie the Poo ever said, Tigger Please!

   Look dude I have no problem with the tattoo that you have. It's the instant attitude change that came along with it. Trust me you are still a pu$$y. Having a half moon inked into your shoulder did not change that.

   Why does everybody try to hide from each other in the Dollar Store? I saw your ass over at the bargain bin fool.

   You;re so annoying you should have a SLAP named after you.

   Follow your brain. Your heart's a f*cking idiot.

   Sorry for your problems and I'll be there to listen to you, because you're a good person and by good person I mean you put out when you're vulnerable.

   You should always f*ck like all your exes are watching.

   If you ain't ugly in the morning, then you didn't do it right last night!