Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 789 of 6446

Just had a flashback to a spelling mistake I made earlier.... I may have Post grammatic stress disorder.
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04-21-2018 07:41
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Nothing like an old high school crush finding you & friending you on Facebook because he needs cows or some crap for Farmville
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04-21-2018 04:40
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I didn’t call you fat; I said proper wood furniture normally doesn’t scream like that
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04-21-2018 04:40
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When my wife picks a restaurant that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
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04-21-2018 04:40
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I hate to admit it, but Trump is no good at being President. He can't do a simple task of uniting the people together.

Went ice fishing yesterday. Caught over a hundred pounds, but most of it melted by the time I got home.
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04-21-2018 00:18
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DNC is sueing wikileaks. Not for false information, but for stealing emails. They do realize with that, they admit they ar real right?

Hillary Clinton: 'I Am Getting Pretty Tired of Hearing About How Nobody Likes Me' Gee, what a surprise. Guess what? Here's another surprise. I like beer!
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04-20-2018 20:58
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Have a (cough cough) happy(cough cough) 420 (cough cough) everone
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04-20-2018 18:47 by HighDude
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It's only great again for those of us who can spell.......idiot
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04-20-2018 16:14
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I'm not sure who complains more, Hillary or LeBron.
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04-20-2018 16:01
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You know you're brainwashed when Donald Trump and FOX News have you convinced that the FBI are the bad guys and Russia are the good guys.
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04-20-2018 15:01
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Do condoms come in 'fun size' wrappers?
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04-20-2018 14:22
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I can act my age just fine… until you say ~ hormone
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04-20-2018 12:50
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Apparently, Russia has the best hookers. I know where i'm going on vacation now.
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04-20-2018 11:47
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If you turned on all the vacuums on Earth at the same time, that would really suck.
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04-20-2018 10:03
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4 20
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04-20-2018 07:54
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She said "My love life is complicated." I said "No, nuclear physics is complicated. You're just a slut."
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04-20-2018 07:15
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Fun Fact: In the year 2020, 4/20 will be an entire month.
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04-20-2018 03:46
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Sorry I freaked you out by paying attention. I keep forgetting that people don't do that anymore.
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04-20-2018 02:40
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