Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 789 of 6383
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
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01-13-2018 11:33
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All I'm saying is the Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any illegal Mexicans.
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01-13-2018 11:21
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Watching Friday the 13th. A load of awful make-up on brain-dead zombies. Oh wait. Sorry, wrong channel. This is "The View".
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01-13-2018 11:13
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I see on Twitter that January 13 is National Rubber Duck Day. On Wikipedia I learned that this bill was signed into law by President Ford in 1975 after it barely squeaked through the senate.
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01-13-2018 09:03
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I'll bet if two antennas fell in love, the wedding wouldn't be anything special, but the reception would be excellent.
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01-13-2018 07:15
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I grew up living paycheck to paycheck, but through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
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01-13-2018 07:13
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Just had a bowl of generic Frosted Flakes. They’re grrrrrrrr.......okay I guess.
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01-13-2018 07:09
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Back in the days I remember passing chewing gum in school was like drug dealing
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01-13-2018 05:33
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Know how old I am? I still owe Blockbuster $2 for not rewinding St. Elmo's Fire.
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01-12-2018 09:40
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My Ex was so ugly that when she went to a nude beach she was asked to cover her face
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01-12-2018 03:50
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No Offence but I find it funny when deaf people get scared when i'm yawning infront of them
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01-12-2018 03:49
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You know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you're down there
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01-12-2018 03:48
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A cop stopped me and asked "Do you know why I followed you" so I said "because my tweets are funny" We laughed and high-fived & now I'm in Jail
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01-12-2018 03:48
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A dog can only be as proportionally smart as its owner. So, if you're a mouth-breathing knuckle-dragger, there's no hope for you, and even less for your dog.
Women have better minds then men because the keep changing their minds.
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01-11-2018 20:49 by Jake
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Neighbor are the only one who lissen to both side of an argument.
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01-11-2018 20:45 by Jake
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A man's home is his castle. Untill the queen comes home.
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01-11-2018 20:43 by Jake
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I realized I wasn't my parents favorite kid when they ask me to help blow up ballonns for my twin brother's surprise birthday party.
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01-11-2018 20:40 by Jake
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i went to the doctors this morning and accidentally left my phone at home, now I know how Kevin McCallister's parents from home alone felt.
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01-11-2018 16:17
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I should probably return these videos to Blockbuster.