Funny Status Messages

   One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.

   Never judge a clown until you've walked a mile in his shoes!

   Forgive me, for I have sinned. Same time tomorrow?

   does anyone remember when lol meant “laughing out loud” instead of “this is to indicate that this brief text isnt hostile”

   In my defense, my wife's text asking me to "drop a load in the washing machine" was confusing.

   giving the recent plane accident, I bet now Mitt Romney realizes why the plane windows stay closed

   Viagra is like Disney land, the both make you wait a hour for a three minute ride.

   What do woman and police cars have in common? The both make a lot of noise when they are coming.

   Silence is your best responce when talking to an idiot

   I'm so ugly, when I play Mortal Combat, Scorpion tells me "Stay Over There!".

   "I stubbed my toe today. I'm not ready to share photos yet but I will keep you guys updated daily." - probably Carrie Underwood

   Mini Me was only 49. He lived a short life.

   When I was little my parents told me I could be anything I wanted to be. Turns out they were identity thieves.

   I stopped talking to myself because it's too much social stimulation

   Who needs an alarm clock? Giving mine away because my bladder is set permanently for 5:30AM.

   gettin extra faded in honor of mini me

   If Jack Black and Jack White had a baby together, what name would they use?

   The pollen is so bad this year that the folks in the trailer parks are cooking their crystal meth back into Sudafed.

   I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.

   So I was deleting ugly people on my FB account and I nearly deleted my damn self.