Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 784 of 6383
Why are all these women protesting, shouldn't they be at home cooking?
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01-20-2018 16:42
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Burned almost a thousand calories with the treadmill today. Moved it into the basement, that sucker is heavy!
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01-20-2018 14:59
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If undercover boss came to my work I'd play stupid and give them the biggest sob story too and bank
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01-20-2018 12:59
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If someone gave me a million dollars to lose weight for one of those weight loss programs I would too
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01-20-2018 12:39 by Smeebert
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Gov't shutdown? Yippee! I'm collecting rainwater for my garden before they reopen and fine me!!
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01-20-2018 09:53 by Gabe
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I'm drinking a Diet Coke because I ate a whole box of Pop Tarts for breakfast. I'm hoping this will neutralize it.
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01-20-2018 08:55
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does eating tide pods take skid marks out of underwear...Asking for a friend
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01-20-2018 07:22 by SEAN
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Milestone Alert: This is my 100th Post From a toilet....I'd like to thank the fine people from KFC for making this post possible!
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01-20-2018 04:07
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My ex told me to get some of those tablets that should help me get an erection.........should have seen her face when I tossed her the slimming pills
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01-20-2018 04:06
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If a woman is crying and you don't understand why - congratulations! you're a Man now
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01-20-2018 04:05
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When a Woman tells you "you're so cute" instead of "You're Hot," it means you are Not all that and you can just get entry to Friend zone
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01-20-2018 04:04
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You people can keep blaming your weight or tight fitting clothes on the holidays if you want, but I am not going to lie to myself, most of you were Fat in December too
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01-20-2018 04:04
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A gambling addiction can cost you your marriage or win you a divorce
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01-20-2018 00:19 by Jake
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All houses made out of wood are tree houses.
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01-19-2018 23:52 by JCGJ
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Unless he releases a men’s fragrance, I think Elon Musk should be ordered to legally change his name.
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01-19-2018 21:41 by Cicci
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There are more than 7 billion people on the planet. Can we finally stop calling it the miracle of birth?
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01-19-2018 19:51 by eengrms
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Does eating Tide Pods take skid marks out of underwear? Asking for a friend...
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01-19-2018 19:19
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As a parent you always worry that you want to raise your children to be productive members of society......and then you go to Walmart.
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01-19-2018 17:27
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People usually ask me why I don't have any tattoos, I asked them " would you put a bumper sticker on your Ferrari ?
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01-19-2018 05:36
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From Jabba's point of view, Star Wars is about a guy who owed him a lot of money, but instead of paying he brought in a gang to murder him
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01-18-2018 21:51
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