Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 782 of 6446

Netflix and scroll through the selections until it’s too late to start watching anything.
←Rate |
05-02-2018 01:48
Comments (0)

When I go jogging, I listen to a portable CD player, so people think I’ve been running for 10 years.
←Rate |
05-02-2018 01:40
Comments (0)

Well, Kanye West did marry into the Kardashian’s so you can just imagine the levels of stupidity in that house
←Rate |
05-02-2018 01:15
Comments (0)

I must be very good at handling my credit card.... Each month the bank sends me a letter saying my credit card account is outstanding.
←Rate |
05-02-2018 01:04 by Shain1976
Comments (0)

Life is short..... Unless you're married
←Rate |
05-01-2018 22:33 by Shain1976
Comments (0)

I only drink on days with a "T" Tuesday, Thursday and Today

Alimony should be spelled allmymoney
←Rate |
05-01-2018 22:03 by Jake
Comments (0)

Kayne West says slavery was a choice for the blacks. Yeah, Kanye is real normal alright.
←Rate |
05-01-2018 20:59
Comments (2)

Hillary Clinton, so ugly that when she gives head it should be considered anal.
←Rate |
05-01-2018 18:30 by Trump3:16
Comments (0)

Ever stare dumbfoundingly at someone wondering how they ever had an opportunity to actually procreate?
←Rate |
05-01-2018 15:36 by S.P.
Comments (0)

I think the word alimony should be spelled aliMOANy
←Rate |
05-01-2018 15:35 by Jake
Comments (0)

We are all free to walk our own path. My path is full of my husband’s socks and shoes

I don’t trust people who drive like a turtle and then all of a sudden find the gas pedal and weave in and out of traffic the minute you pass them up. The only impression I have of you is, you must be bipolar

"Dora the Explorer" only rhymes when somebody from Boston says it.
←Rate |
05-01-2018 10:24
Comments (0)

Sound advice: Never keep your hemroid cream on the same shelf as your toothpaste.
←Rate |
05-01-2018 09:25 by Jake
Comments (2)

If women are always right,why do they always picking wrong men?
←Rate |
05-01-2018 08:55
Comments (0)

Patient: Doc, I feel miserable, worthless, unhappy, and I have no money. Doctor: I see...... How long have you been married?
←Rate |
04-30-2018 23:42 by Jake
Comments (0)

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it.
←Rate |
04-30-2018 17:51 by Jake
Comments (0)

My kid just found an Easter egg in the back yard, if you want to know how often I do yard work.
←Rate |
04-30-2018 15:31
Comments (0)

Whenever my wife wants me to do something, she casually mentions it needs to be done like 49 times, hoping I will pick up the hints. Has not worked so far.
←Rate |
04-30-2018 15:29
Comments (0)