Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Netflix and scroll through the selections until it’s too late to start watching anything.
←Rate | 05-02-2018 01:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I go jogging, I listen to a portable CD player, so people think I’ve been running for 10 years.
←Rate | 05-02-2018 01:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, Kanye West did marry into the Kardashian’s so you can just imagine the levels of stupidity in that house
←Rate | 05-02-2018 01:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I must be very good at handling my credit card.... Each month the bank sends me a letter saying my credit card account is outstanding.
←Rate | 05-02-2018 01:04 by Shain1976 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is short..... Unless you're married
←Rate | 05-01-2018 22:33 by Shain1976 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only drink on days with a "T" Tuesday, Thursday and Today
←Rate | 05-01-2018 22:20 by @Shain1976 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alimony should be spelled allmymoney
←Rate | 05-01-2018 22:03 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kayne West says slavery was a choice for the blacks. Yeah, Kanye is real normal alright.
←Rate | 05-01-2018 20:59 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Hillary Clinton, so ugly that when she gives head it should be considered anal.
←Rate | 05-01-2018 18:30 by Trump3:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever stare dumbfoundingly at someone wondering how they ever had an opportunity to actually procreate?
←Rate | 05-01-2018 15:36 by S.P. Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think the word alimony should be spelled aliMOANy
←Rate | 05-01-2018 15:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon We are all free to walk our own path. My path is full of my husband’s socks and shoes
←Rate | 05-01-2018 15:32 by SuzyOozyWoozy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t trust people who drive like a turtle and then all of a sudden find the gas pedal and weave in and out of traffic the minute you pass them up. The only impression I have of you is, you must be bipolar
←Rate | 05-01-2018 15:28 by SuzyOozyWoozy Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Dora the Explorer" only rhymes when somebody from Boston says it.
←Rate | 05-01-2018 10:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sound advice: Never keep your hemroid cream on the same shelf as your toothpaste.
←Rate | 05-01-2018 09:25 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon If women are always right,why do they always picking wrong men?
←Rate | 05-01-2018 08:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Patient: Doc, I feel miserable, worthless, unhappy, and I have no money. Doctor: I see...... How long have you been married?
←Rate | 04-30-2018 23:42 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 17:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kid just found an Easter egg in the back yard, if you want to know how often I do yard work.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 15:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever my wife wants me to do something, she casually mentions it needs to be done like 49 times, hoping I will pick up the hints. Has not worked so far.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 15:29 Comments (0)  




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