Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   No matter what's happening there's always part of me that would rather be taking a nap. And drinking.

   All this learning to share crap when I was a child seems redundant when I'm supposed to have a monogamous relationship as an adult.

   Whenever I see a grown man on a bicycle, I can't help but think DUI.

   The more Marilyn Monroe quotes a girls Facebook has, the more likely she'll suck your d!ck for validation.

   if dogs could talk theyd prolly talk a lot about shoes

   Statistically speaking, 9 out of 11 Americans will be offended by this message.

   Ugly people should really stop trying to take seductive pictures of themselves, it's camera fudgin suicide.

   This Planking epidemic is getting way out of hand my neighbor the old lady next door been laying outside for 2 days now.

   I really tend to have less tolerance of ugly people.

   Girls on Facebook: "Getting Starbucks with Jenny!" 2 minutes later: 141 pictures and 6 videos uploaded.

   What the USA Government needs is a Department of Common Sense.

   Guys who wear skinny jeans: Why do you keep hitting on girls? You've already gotten into their pants.

   My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.

   Hey Vi@gra, you have a real competition for curing the erectile dysfunction... it's called divorce.

   I love Facebook, it makes me feel kinda normal after reading about all of YOUR problems. Thanks people, and thank you Facebook...

   For the last f*cking time, this is the first time I'm seeing this movie and we started watching it at the exact same moment. I don't know the answer to your question.

   Don't get me wrong, I respect the Amish. What I really wonder is what invention a long time ago caused an entire group of people to go "No! No more technology for us."

   If we all band together and don't show up for work tomorrow, we could put an end to this 'wake up on Monday' nonsense once and for all. Spread the word.

   This girl last night claimed that she'd rather perform oral sex on a diseased monkey than go out with me. Well, she's in luck, 'cause I've got a friend who works at the zoo, and he owes me one...

   Wives are funny creatures. They won't have sex with their husbands for weeks but then they want to kill the first woman who does.