Funny Status Messages

   What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice to long?....... Polaroids

   What do you call a nun with a sex change operation....... A tran-sister

   i have a man flu. I had a good run, I think this is the end for me. Tell my family I love them.

   My wife's coffee is so strong it puts hair on your chest........ And takes it off if you spill it.

   "No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk

   If I ever go missing, please don't look for me.

   It’s hard to keep loving someone who constantly calls the cops and keeps changing her number but here I am.

   I hear they're making a remake of the Never Ending Story. It starts with a man asking a woman how her day was.

   My wife is so fat that she keeps walking into things....... Like Mc. Donald's Dunkin Donuts Dairy Queen etc etc etc

   If I had a horse in the Kentucky Derby, his name would be... How-Much-Wood-Could-A-Woodchuck-Chuck-If-A-Woodchuck-Could-Chuck-Wood .

   Fat Girls out Here With Crop Tops Looking like Winnie the Pooh 🤣

   I just got 40 winks on the suaway........ I knew I shouldn't of worn this pink T-shirt.

   Mint julep or tequila? Happy Kentucky de Mayo!!!

   Countless individuals over the last 80 years have spent millions of hours on the development of the electronic computer. All so I can sit at my desk yelling "Hurry up you piece of crap!"

   Jeremiah was a bullfrog. True story.

   Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?

   We need a montage of dads trying to order for the whole family in drive-thrus

   Egghead: What mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty

   Are you bored and broke? Do you have 40 spare hours to fill every week ? Would you like to earn thousands of dollars a month? Then get a job like the rest of us you bumb.

   The French eat snails because they don't like fast food.