Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 775 of 6446

Just to be clear, when I came over to your house I had no intention of fighting your cat.
←Rate |
05-15-2018 11:02
Comments (1)

They can't prove none of your pants fit anymore if you never wear pants.
←Rate |
05-15-2018 10:58
Comments (0)

When I see names and hearts carved into a tree I don't think it's cute. I just think it's strange how many people take knives on a date.
←Rate |
05-15-2018 07:36
Comments (0)

Seriously, if the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off of it by now.
←Rate |
05-15-2018 07:33
Comments (0)

I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline it logged me back onto MySpace
←Rate |
05-15-2018 06:35 by Crewz
Comments (0)

In Trump's opinion, his staff member who made fun of John McCain's terminal illness isn't a "traitor," but the people who told the press about it are.
←Rate |
05-15-2018 04:27
Comments (0)

How to Find the Leaker in 4 Steps: 1) Close your eyes 2) Stand in front of a mirror 3) Open your eyes 4) There’s your leaker!
←Rate |
05-15-2018 04:26
Comments (0)

Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
←Rate |
05-15-2018 03:09
Comments (3)

You're not going to be able to build a house with the first swing of the hammer.. so chill the heck out and learn patience...
←Rate |
05-14-2018 16:52
Comments (0)

Pride Parade bans Drag Queens, it offends transgenders.Libs are confused on what side to take.
←Rate |
05-14-2018 15:04
Comments (4)

Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
←Rate |
05-14-2018 15:01
Comments (0)

The only permanent cure for snoring is a sledgehammer.
←Rate |
05-14-2018 14:57
Comments (0)

ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That's ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
←Rate |
05-14-2018 14:47
Comments (0)

Finally found my wife's G spot....... Her sister had it all along.
←Rate |
05-14-2018 14:39 by Jake
Comments (0)

Confuciushe says: Man who fight with wife all day, gets no piece at night.
←Rate |
05-14-2018 14:34 by Jake
Comments (0)

Relationships are like a game of cards... "You've got to know when to hold 'em, Know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run"
←Rate |
05-14-2018 14:21
Comments (0)

I refer to avocados a "Shrekticles" because, you know....
←Rate |
05-14-2018 12:32
Comments (0)

I'm no English major, but shouldn't Apple's Tim Cook have encouraged those graduates to "think differently"??
←Rate |
05-14-2018 12:15
Comments (0)

Haikus are fun / But sometimes they make no sense / Refrigerator.
←Rate |
05-14-2018 10:49
Comments (0)

I'm so old I remember when sex was dirty and the air was clean.
←Rate |
05-14-2018 10:11
Comments (0)