Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 774 of 6383
Facebook is taking up too much of my time, I'm taking a break. I'll be back after I go get my coffee
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02-06-2018 04:06
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Google before you post" is the new "think before you speak"
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02-06-2018 04:05
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Nothing like watching the FB movies and seeing the highlights of" most liked posts" of your fiance' with other girlfriends
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02-06-2018 04:05
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I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
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02-06-2018 04:05
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Wife ask where I'd like to be buried. Ball deep in your sister wasn't the answer she was expecting.
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02-06-2018 00:25 by Jake
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I injured my privets in a surfing accident. I slam my laptop closed when my wife walked into the room.
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02-05-2018 23:52 by Jake
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A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you're a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.
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02-05-2018 23:35 by Jake
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Double negatives are a no-no.
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02-05-2018 19:54
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When I saw the stock market plummet, I may have overreacted a bit by eating my neighbors cat...
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02-05-2018 19:24
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I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin' spoon!"
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02-05-2018 10:45 by Crewz
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Kevin Durant just announced he's signing with the Eagles.
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02-05-2018 09:28
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Tom Brady woke up this morning and his deal with the debil has ended. His team is over, is wife is Rosie O'Donnell and he's developed an allergy to lobster.
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02-05-2018 07:54
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I want to take a moment to thank my skeletal system for being so supportive all these years.
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02-05-2018 07:46 by Crewz
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The Tide commercials during the Superbowl were not a hit with older folks but the kids are them up
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02-05-2018 07:43 by MrSharp
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When somebody asks me "What's the word?" I give them the finger because everybody knows that the Bird is the Word.
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02-05-2018 06:57
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I just invented a new word: Plagiarism.
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02-05-2018 06:55
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Between the Super Bowl commercials and today’s teen challenges...Tide is killing it!
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02-04-2018 23:08 by tmk
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In honor of the super bowl, whenever I go to poop today, i'll refer to it as "taking the browns to the super bowl"
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02-04-2018 13:44 by Eddy
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I'm not saying all Uber drivers are bad drivers, but 100% of Uber drivers are bad drivers
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02-04-2018 12:49
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I'm a lover of nature. Where do I go to see this superb owl I keep reading about?
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02-04-2018 11:35
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