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If someone wants to know how to play the piano but can't, does that mean they have pianist envy?
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06-05-2018 07:31
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Sometimes I feel like I have a 1-bit brain with a parity error. This is one of those days.
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06-05-2018 07:28
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Me: I hate seeing you like this. Coworker: Like how? Me: In person
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06-05-2018 02:32
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If you inbox a woman “hey” she immediately takes off all her clothes. Everyone knows that.
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06-05-2018 01:37
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Guys don't appreciate being single untill they been married for awhile.
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06-04-2018 16:11 by
Jake
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Kids don't remember the things you tell them untill it's something you shouldn't of said.
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06-04-2018 16:07 by
Jake
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Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he neverlands.
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06-04-2018 15:07 by
Jake
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The only president who didn't blame the previous administration for all his troubles was George Washington.
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06-04-2018 14:20 by
Jake
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I overheard that ABC is not cancelling Roseanne but is seamlessly going to replace Roseanne with Danny Devito
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06-04-2018 11:29 by
Zinc
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I've sold all my John Lennon albums on eBay. Imagine all the PayPal.
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06-04-2018 11:02 by
@S4W4N
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When you're a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
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06-04-2018 08:07
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Not saying that women walmart shoppers have bad teeth. But when the woman in line in front of me smiled. The barcode scanner rang up a set of sauce pans.
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06-03-2018 23:42 by
Jake
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Why do speed walkers look like kids who are told not to run around the pool?
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06-03-2018 14:11 by
Jsabbage
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I can't wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
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06-03-2018 11:45
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If you mean Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
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06-03-2018 11:35
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I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
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06-02-2018 17:23
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Can of Crisco $3.95 Body pillow $12.95 Box of condoms $9.95 Look on cashier's face...... Priceless.
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06-02-2018 17:00 by
Jake
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How are condoms and cameras a like? They both capture that magical moment.
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06-02-2018 16:31 by
Jake
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Facebook became unpopular with teens the same day it became popular with their parents and grandparents.
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06-01-2018 22:37
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They say if the palm of your hand itches, you're going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you've already got it.
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06-01-2018 18:02 by
Jake
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