Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 756 of 6446

How do you get wine stains off of a cat? Asking for a friend.
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07-01-2018 10:55
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Are robots really not able to click those "I am not a robot" buttons? Then we got pretty dumb robots
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07-01-2018 10:46
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Me: How much for the goth cucumber? Clerk: That’s a cactus…
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07-01-2018 10:43
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The world would be much more fun if every restaurant was an all you could eat buffet.
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07-01-2018 10:00
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Woke up naked and sweaty and I didn’t even get laid.
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07-01-2018 09:54
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No matter how much you shake your peg...... The last drop always goes down your leg.
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07-01-2018 03:54 by Jake
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I have come to the conclusion, that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all of my missing socks.
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07-01-2018 02:27 by Crewz
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With all of trump's space force talk. Will he soon refer him self as the new rocket man?
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06-30-2018 22:39
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Trump to visit the U.K. in the next two weeks. That will only give him 14 days to learn how to speak english.
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06-30-2018 20:21
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When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
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06-29-2018 23:25 by Jake
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I'm not saying I drive fast, but on my last trip the lady in my GPS told me pull over and she would walk.
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06-29-2018 20:42
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Both corn and beer looks the same on the way in as they do on the way out.
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06-29-2018 20:07 by Jake
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I should do laundry naked so all my clothes could be clean at the same time.
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06-29-2018 14:01
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Hooray! Won't have to watch Golden State vs Cleveland in the NBA finals for the 5th year in a row. :)
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06-29-2018 12:04
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I think maybe I'll move to Lexington, VA, buy the Red Hen restaurant, and convert it into a Chick-fil-A.
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06-29-2018 07:22
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Who has no heart, brains or courage? The tinman, scarecrow and lion. Who did you think I meant?
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06-29-2018 00:24
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A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
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06-28-2018 22:40 by Jake
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Before I die I'm going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
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06-28-2018 22:30 by Jake
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I guess Joe Jackson coulsnt even 'Beat it' to death
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06-28-2018 13:34
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My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping, I won't be covered.
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06-28-2018 11:26
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