Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   2 idians running water and falling rocks went hunting in the mountains But only running water returned back to the tribe A scout went looking for falling rocks but never found him And to this day you'll see signs in the mountains watchout for falling rock

   I don't run from my problems.i sit on the couch,play with my phone,and ignore them like all other adults.

   National meatball day. A day in the honor of David Dennison

   No matter what happens in life, NEVER give up on my dreams. That is why I sleep till noon.

   Uh oh...FOX News report claims Ivanka, Kushner, Kelly, McMaster are on departure list from the White House. So much mixed emotions.

   Spring is acting like a deadbeat dad... like are you coming or not.

   When I'm feeling down and someone says "Keep your chin up!" I get the urge to break their legs with a baseball bat and tell them "Walk it off!"

   Heading to WcDonald's for a Big Wac

   The Hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to Fart Quietly Again

   The only way to know a relationship is going well, when she feels comfortable taking a dump at your place

   Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation

   Today is International Women's Day, It was supposed to be yesterday, but they couldn't get ready on time !

   I don't like WcDonald's....I prefer Mendy's

   Easter is April 1st this year which is also April fool's day. So to celecrate both days together, I will be dyeing raw eggs this year.

   To keep the kids occupied all day on Easter, only hide 3 eggs for the Earter egg hunt.

   Alexa laughing and refusing to obey instructions? Better start working on your reasons to live for our new robot overlords

   I can't really afford Essential Oils so let's see what we have in the pantry.

   This dentist just told me I need a crown, and it's a relief to finally start getting some recognition around here.

   Neighbors state that old McDonald "had" a farm and the last time anyone saw him he was screaming vowels into the air. Back to you, Jen.

   Like if you ever got charged for not rewinding a VHF tape