Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 745 of 6447

Husbands calm down are two words you should never say to your wife.
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07-22-2018 15:52 by Jake
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I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
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07-22-2018 15:48
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Wives if your husband says something and you're not around to hear it is he still wrong?
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07-22-2018 15:16 by Jake
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Seriously guys, I'm a virgin. No woman finds me attractive.
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07-22-2018 13:08 by Snowflake
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Just BUY the klondike bar. What's the big deal?
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07-22-2018 09:44
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An apple a day is bull crap.... Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
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07-21-2018 18:42 by BobbyT
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I know there are idiot Savants, but are there Savant idiots ?.. Because lately stupid people sure do think they are smart !
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07-21-2018 18:36
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The more random people you see jogging for no reason the higher the rent is going up
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07-21-2018 11:34
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Seven qualities I look for in a woman. 1. Beautiful. 2. Intelligent. 3. Gentle. 4. Thoughtful. 5. Innocent. 6. Trustworthy. 7. Sensible . Or in short B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
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07-21-2018 03:10 by Jake
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Wife said you always come home in a bad mood. I can't remember the last time you came home in a good one. I said of course not..... that's because you weren't home.
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07-21-2018 00:52 by Jake
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My kids treat me like a god. They ignore my existence untill they need something.
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07-21-2018 00:27 by Jake
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Moms, Save money on cereal by putting generic cereal in a bran name box. That way the kids will never know their eating generic cereal.
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07-20-2018 22:42 by Jake
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"Read a weather book about rainbows called Rainbows by Sunny Showers."
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07-20-2018 21:54
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My wife is a porn star. If she ever finds out, she'll kill me.
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07-20-2018 20:42 by Jake
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"Why is trump so hard on fake news? After fake news is what got him elected.
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07-20-2018 20:07
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I wonder what other phone calls Cohen has recorded?
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07-20-2018 16:53
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Life Lesson: The ONLY person that can pledge 100% loyalty to you is YOURSELF.
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07-20-2018 14:47
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I predict a low-speed police chase at some point, with Trump in a golf cart and Rudy driving.
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07-20-2018 14:25
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The music band, Queen, said they misspoke on one of their song lyrics. They meant to say, We WON'T Rock You.
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07-20-2018 12:59
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I'm so poor growing up that we couldn't afford hamburger helper so we bought beef assistant.
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07-20-2018 11:29 by R.Riley
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