Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 745 of 6446

Life Lesson: The ONLY person that can pledge 100% loyalty to you is YOURSELF.
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07-20-2018 14:47
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I predict a low-speed police chase at some point, with Trump in a golf cart and Rudy driving.
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07-20-2018 14:25
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The music band, Queen, said they misspoke on one of their song lyrics. They meant to say, We WON'T Rock You.
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07-20-2018 12:59
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I'm so poor growing up that we couldn't afford hamburger helper so we bought beef assistant.
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07-20-2018 11:29 by R.Riley
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To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you. You've got my Word.
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07-20-2018 07:43
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What if the Russians really did hack the elections and foiled the Left's plan to rig the election and now they are mad at Trump
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07-19-2018 16:03
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In school I think all of our wives got straight A's in buyology.
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07-19-2018 14:15 by Jake
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So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
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07-19-2018 13:27
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If there was such a thing as a tax on brains Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez would be due a refund.
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07-19-2018 08:24
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I wish I was a Unicorn so I could stab people with my head.
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07-19-2018 07:29
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Woman are the only creatures to defly the laws of gravity. The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.
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07-19-2018 00:30 by Jake
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Texbook: a tex message that way too long.
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07-18-2018 22:32 by Jake
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Just sold a lawnmower on Craigslist...last time my neighbor will wake me up on a Saturday morning!
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07-18-2018 20:11 by BobbyT
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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet. It's when you try to put them in the trunk that they start to freak out.
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07-18-2018 10:09
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My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
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07-18-2018 07:32
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It's funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
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07-18-2018 07:31
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I don't know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
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07-18-2018 07:30
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The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
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07-18-2018 07:30
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Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
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07-18-2018 07:29
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I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry..
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07-18-2018 07:28
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