Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Did you hear. DEMI LOVATO New song? Sober not Sober
←Rate | 07-25-2018 20:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will only date a woman 3 times. I'm not scared of commitment. I'm scared my wife will find out.
←Rate | 07-25-2018 14:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my 20s: My knees hurt from being on my knees 😏 In my 30s: My knees hurt from being alive
←Rate | 07-25-2018 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's so hot, Bloods and Crips have resorted to shooting each other with super soakers
←Rate | 07-25-2018 14:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I'm making you up.
←Rate | 07-25-2018 12:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm bored, I like to superglue Doritos to the neighbor's cat and watch it run around the neighborhood like a little stegosaurus.
←Rate | 07-25-2018 11:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a bear tries to attack you in the woods, give it your bicycle. Maybe it's one of those circus bears. I mean, hey, you never know....
←Rate | 07-25-2018 11:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 21:01 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 20:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your Nano died? No biggie, just recharge it. Oh. You said "Nana", didn't you? Damn.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If killing them with kindness doesn't work, just kill them.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 06:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bad decision: Believing we're from the government and we're here to help you.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 03:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon tonight my phone made this weird noise ive never heard before,so I googled it and apparently someone was trying to call me
←Rate | 07-24-2018 00:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once I ate a whole banana, skin and all. I found it quite unappeeling.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 10:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hey! No fair! You cleaned the bathrooms last week! It's my turn!" said no one ever.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 08:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon GIRLFRIEND: *Crying* My dog died! ME (who was only dating her because of her dog): So I have more bad news.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 07:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We're all 60% water, so get off your high horse "aqua" man
←Rate | 07-23-2018 07:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 02:38 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
←Rate | 07-23-2018 02:35 by Appstatushub Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Autographed Lorena Bobbitt stake knive set for sale $19.95"
←Rate | 07-23-2018 02:13 Comments (1)  




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