Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 743 of 6446

Did you hear. DEMI LOVATO New song? Sober not Sober
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07-25-2018 20:45
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I will only date a woman 3 times. I'm not scared of commitment. I'm scared my wife will find out.
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07-25-2018 14:59 by Jake
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In my 20s: My knees hurt from being on my knees 😏 In my 30s: My knees hurt from being alive
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07-25-2018 14:59
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it's so hot, Bloods and Crips have resorted to shooting each other with super soakers
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07-25-2018 14:36
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Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I'm making you up.
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07-25-2018 12:33
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When I'm bored, I like to superglue Doritos to the neighbor's cat and watch it run around the neighborhood like a little stegosaurus.
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07-25-2018 11:13
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If a bear tries to attack you in the woods, give it your bicycle. Maybe it's one of those circus bears. I mean, hey, you never know....
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07-25-2018 11:10
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The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
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07-24-2018 21:01 by BobbyT
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I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
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07-24-2018 20:59 by Jake
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Your Nano died? No biggie, just recharge it. Oh. You said "Nana", didn't you? Damn.
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07-24-2018 06:45
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If killing them with kindness doesn't work, just kill them.
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07-24-2018 06:43
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Bad decision: Believing we're from the government and we're here to help you.
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07-24-2018 03:53 by Jake
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tonight my phone made this weird noise ive never heard before,so I googled it and apparently someone was trying to call me
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07-24-2018 00:25
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Once I ate a whole banana, skin and all. I found it quite unappeeling.
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07-23-2018 10:13
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"Hey! No fair! You cleaned the bathrooms last week! It's my turn!" said no one ever.
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07-23-2018 08:44
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GIRLFRIEND: *Crying* My dog died! ME (who was only dating her because of her dog): So I have more bad news.
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07-23-2018 07:52
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We're all 60% water, so get off your high horse "aqua" man
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07-23-2018 07:44
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The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
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07-23-2018 02:38
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Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

"Autographed Lorena Bobbitt stake knive set for sale $19.95"
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07-23-2018 02:13
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