Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 742 of 6446

At least good old Bill didn't have to pay for blowjobs and sex.
←Rate |
07-27-2018 18:18
Comments (5)

What do you call a man who has everything? A bachelor.
←Rate |
07-27-2018 17:21 by Jake
Comments (1)

Her: "Undress me with your words." Him: "There's a spider in your bra."
←Rate |
07-27-2018 13:51
Comments (0)

me: it's not about how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get back up cop: that's not how field sobriety tests work
←Rate |
07-27-2018 13:44
Comments (0)

My friend likes country music so I wrote him a song for his birthday called I Went Down On My Sister And It Tastes Like Daddy Ate Pineapple.
←Rate |
07-27-2018 12:24
Comments (1)

I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. I'll even remove your duct tape.

If they handed out awards for peeling a hard boiled egg with grace, I would get absolutely nothing.
←Rate |
07-27-2018 12:13
Comments (0)

Don't you hate people who throws their own son under the bus?
←Rate |
07-27-2018 09:34
Comments (1)

"You're not liked as much as you think you are. And those who do, like the money you have."
←Rate |
07-27-2018 06:41
Comments (0)

Jerk chicken is just like regular chicken, but it drives a BMW and doesn't care about your feelings.
←Rate |
07-27-2018 02:49
Comments (0)

WE BUILT THIS CITY WE BUILT THIS CITY ON the ruthless and systematic exploitation of the working class through industrial capitalism
←Rate |
07-27-2018 01:58
Comments (0)

If athletes get athlete's foot and tennis players get tennis elbow. What do gynecologists get........ Tunnel vision.
←Rate |
07-26-2018 20:24 by Jake
Comments (1)

Demi Lovato is doing a remake/cover Amy Whitehouse's REHAB
←Rate |
07-26-2018 19:50
Comments (0)

It doesn't matter if you're black or white, heterosexual or homosexual, man or woman because cats hate all of you.
←Rate |
07-26-2018 14:43
Comments (0)

When Jimmy Garoppolo said he watches a lot of film, I thought it was talking about football
←Rate |
07-26-2018 10:01 by Kado
Comments (0)

Please don't say piracy is a victimless crime... Escape Plan 2 is 1h 45m of my life I will never get back again
←Rate |
07-26-2018 02:13
Comments (2)

"When did hamburger start needing help?"
←Rate |
07-25-2018 23:49
Comments (0)

Just a reminder: it reads WE THE PEOPLE. We’re all in this together as HUMANS. Doesn’t mean we own this planet as a religion or race.
←Rate |
07-25-2018 23:33 by Meh
Comments (1)

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash. no hope and no jobs. Hope nothing happens to kevin Bacon.
←Rate |
07-25-2018 21:37 by Jake
Comments (2)

People who read tabloids deserve to be lied to.
←Rate |
07-25-2018 21:12
Comments (2)