Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 741 of 6383
Hello. HP? I'd like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
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03-29-2018 08:38
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Do dogs in Mexico speak Espaniel?
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03-29-2018 08:35
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Single men: To keep on enjoying your carefree life, never utter the words "I DO"
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03-29-2018 01:16 by Jake
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This might be the first time in history a husband can justify porn in his browser history. Thanks, Trump!
Make sure you wear a fake moustache on your first day at a new job so everyone will think you are the undercover boss
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03-28-2018 23:14
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Whenever I am feeling down I check my junk folder and read all the Congratulations! emails
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03-28-2018 22:50
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Maybe the mattress stores could tell us when they are NOT having a sale
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03-28-2018 22:43
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"i'll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
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03-28-2018 14:44
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You can't have manslaughter without laughter.
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03-28-2018 13:53
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If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
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03-28-2018 13:33
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Yesterday I bought a pack of two pillow cases but when I opened it there was only one. What a sham!
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03-28-2018 11:05
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I remember with fondness what grandpa used to always say at family reunions. He'd shout, "WHAT THE HELL'S A KLONDIKE BAR?"
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03-28-2018 10:36
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I don't mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It's the coming back home part that bothers me.
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03-28-2018 00:05 by Jake
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Men at 20 play football, at 40 tennis, at 60 golf. Notice as they get older their balls get smaller.
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03-27-2018 23:15 by Jake
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If you're going to open a strip club. Don't name it the G spot. Because men will never be able to find it.
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03-27-2018 22:50 by Jake
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If your butt cheeks were horizonal you would applaud every time you ran up the stairs.
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03-27-2018 22:46 by Jake
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If you millenials want to know what it was like to talk on a payphone, just lick the handle of a grocery cart.
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03-27-2018 21:11
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Girls say they want a fairytale wedding but when I bring in the evil witch queens and the enchanted frogs, now she changes her mind
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03-27-2018 21:05
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200 mllion guns, 2 trillion rounds of ammo. If we were a problem, YOU WOULD KNOW.
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03-27-2018 20:35
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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
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03-27-2018 20:28
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