Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 737 of 6383
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
Don't make me go all shouty capitals on you ...
←Rate |
04-09-2018 02:19
Comments (0)
A white lie is like a regular lie except it orders a grande, iced, sugar-free, vanilla latte, with soy milk from Starbucks.
←Rate |
04-09-2018 02:15
Comments (0)
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
←Rate |
04-09-2018 02:12
Comments (0)
How to strengthen your abs: 1. lie down and put your hands behind your head... Wow, what great position for a nap, better take a nap.
←Rate |
04-09-2018 02:11
Comments (0)
a bisexual a person who pays for sex?
←Rate |
04-09-2018 00:30
Comments (0)
You know you're broke when American Express calls you and says: "Leave home without it"
←Rate |
04-09-2018 00:23 by Jake
Comments (0)
Daddy, all the Mexicans are gone, why haven't you got a job yet?
←Rate |
04-08-2018 22:44
Comments (1)
The first idiot to complain that it’s too hot this summer is getting hit with a 10lb. bag of ice!
←Rate |
04-08-2018 20:32 by Guest
Comments (0)
I lost money in the John Wayne toilet paper co. The T.P. was so ruff it wouldn't take sh*t off of anybody.
←Rate |
04-08-2018 18:20 by Jake
Comments (1)
I haven't thought about murder enough lately.
←Rate |
04-08-2018 14:47
Comments (1)
sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
←Rate |
04-08-2018 14:25
Comments (0)
Her: I don't get mad. I get even Me: sounds like you're still mad
←Rate |
04-08-2018 14:23
Comments (0)
Florida traffic is a confusing mix of NASCAR rejects and people old enough to have owned a Model T.
←Rate |
04-08-2018 14:18
Comments (0)
[during sex] Hey, thanks for doing this with me.
←Rate |
04-08-2018 14:11
Comments (0)
I’m wingin’ it so hard I might fly away.
←Rate |
04-08-2018 14:08
Comments (0)
If I can’t taste myself on your beard when your finished, then your not done licking.
←Rate |
04-08-2018 14:01
Comments (1)
You kiss the end, then seductively lick the length without breaking eye contact as you place it in your mouth. I love the way you eat bacon.
←Rate |
04-08-2018 13:59
Comments (0)
I'm at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I'm usually fine with going home.
"It wasn’t me" - First rule of fart club
←Rate |
04-08-2018 13:46
Comments (0)