Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I can't get enough of that Sugar Crisp. That is why I'm taking no chance and bringing my ID to the grocery store with me.
←Rate | 11-15-2018 14:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We were so poor that all we had for dinner was “helper”.
←Rate | 11-15-2018 14:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You've a Land Rover, a Land cruiser but still have a Land Lord. Sister your weed is too much
←Rate | 11-15-2018 13:03 by Emmanueljanauk Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don't really wash your hands, they actually wash each other while you are there standing
←Rate | 11-15-2018 12:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your palm itches, you're going to get something. If your crotch itches, you've already got it.
←Rate | 11-15-2018 06:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My MIL would invite her self to have dinner with my husband and me. Tired of this, one time after dinner I put the dishies on the floor and let the dog lick them clean in front of her. Then put them back into the cabinet. We now have MIL free dinners.
←Rate | 11-15-2018 05:13 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  


   messageicon . Since when do you need a ID to buy a box of cereal ?
←Rate | 11-14-2018 18:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever been so drunk you ate a frozen burrito?
←Rate | 11-14-2018 17:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are self driving cars the brothel of the future?
←Rate | 11-14-2018 13:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In Florida we get "I'm still voting" stickers.
←Rate | 11-14-2018 13:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you tell someone you love them without them making it weird that you're under their bed
←Rate | 11-14-2018 11:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If people would just give ugly people a chance and date them too, catfishing wouldn't be a thing.
←Rate | 11-14-2018 11:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry you brought logic to a wife fight
←Rate | 11-14-2018 11:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!
←Rate | 11-14-2018 06:29 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm assuming lube is for people who can't spit.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 14:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Aliens probably lock their doors when they ride past earth.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 14:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't believe your eyes or military satellite photos. Just blindly believe what a guy tells you. If you do, then please contact me so I can sell you shares in my unicorn ranch.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 13:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And remember kids...it's on Facebook so it must be true!
←Rate | 11-13-2018 13:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think some of my friends are completely irrational and make bad decisions, and we should hang out more.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 13:35 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm working hard to become free... I'm over half way through my Halloween candy already.
←Rate | 11-13-2018 12:24 by Frank Comments (0)  




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