Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 700 of 6446

I can't get enough of that Sugar Crisp. That is why I'm taking no chance and bringing my ID to the grocery store with me.
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11-15-2018 14:56
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We were so poor that all we had for dinner was “helper”.
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11-15-2018 14:13
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You've a Land Rover, a Land cruiser but still have a Land Lord. Sister your weed is too much

You don't really wash your hands, they actually wash each other while you are there standing
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11-15-2018 12:57
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If your palm itches, you're going to get something. If your crotch itches, you've already got it.
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11-15-2018 06:57
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My MIL would invite her self to have dinner with my husband and me. Tired of this, one time after dinner I put the dishies on the floor and let the dog lick them clean in front of her. Then put them back into the cabinet. We now have MIL free dinners.
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11-15-2018 05:13 by Ha.ha
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. Since when do you need a ID to buy a box of cereal ?
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11-14-2018 18:45
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Ever been so drunk you ate a frozen burrito?
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11-14-2018 17:57
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Are self driving cars the brothel of the future?
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11-14-2018 13:41
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In Florida we get "I'm still voting" stickers.
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11-14-2018 13:29
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How do you tell someone you love them without them making it weird that you're under their bed
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11-14-2018 11:48
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If people would just give ugly people a chance and date them too, catfishing wouldn't be a thing.
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11-14-2018 11:44
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Sorry you brought logic to a wife fight
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11-14-2018 11:35
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Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!
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11-14-2018 06:29 by Truman
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I'm assuming lube is for people who can't spit.
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11-13-2018 14:16
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Aliens probably lock their doors when they ride past earth.
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11-13-2018 14:11
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Don't believe your eyes or military satellite photos. Just blindly believe what a guy tells you. If you do, then please contact me so I can sell you shares in my unicorn ranch.
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11-13-2018 13:36
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And remember kids...it's on Facebook so it must be true!
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11-13-2018 13:36
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I think some of my friends are completely irrational and make bad decisions, and we should hang out more.
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11-13-2018 13:35 by Moon
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I'm working hard to become free... I'm over half way through my Halloween candy already.
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11-13-2018 12:24 by Frank
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