doc noland Funny Status Messages

   Just farted myself out of a dead nap, so yeah, you could say I've got sexual dynamo on lockdown!

   Not to brad but you'll probably see a special on A&E about me one day.

   Only Peyton can still set Super Bowl record while team is behind a hundred points

   I just put my left hand in the friend zone

   Time is running out for me to discover the meaning of life

   Oh yeah Morgan Freeman... My Olympic moment involved an open bar. I don't remember the details, but I needed stitches.

   I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I'm gone.

   I'm at my most savage when I'm solo love making to the lion king soundtrack.

   Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last confession. Smell my finger.

   My new years resolution is to finishing off in women's hair instead of Kleenex...

   If you can sing Jingle Bells without jiggling your "gentleman's sausage" then you're way more mature than me.

   Miley Cyrus eats Twerky for Thanksgiving..... (I am so sorry)

   Reece's Peanut Butter C Cups. Someone get to work on this. Now.

   So your saying there is no crying in Flirting? That sure explains a lot!

   Like Icarus flying too close to the sun, I begin to regret eating that third breakfast plate at Shoney's.

   Promiscuous wizards often get staff infections. bippity, boppity, BOOOOO! HAPPY HALLOWEEN

   Why aren't we letting blind people think that dragons are real?

   Excuse me... Tell me more about this mythical corner, around which fudge is made.

   Oh Nothing. Just over here choking on dinner, fighting death like it's my job.

   Lady GaGa had no idea what she was doing when she asked R. Kelly to "do what you want with my body"... Psssssssss