Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   A good relationship is not without struggle – it's knowing how to struggle.

   I didn't reply to your text because I never got it. I also didn't like some of the things it said.

   Monday,.. that better not be your ugly ass I see peeking around the corner!

   A Mslim stopped me in the street and asked me for my thoughts on Muhammad, Allah and the Qur'an. I said, "He's probably the greatest boxer who ever lived, and I don't give a f*ck what car he drove.

   It takes 17 muscles to smile but it only takes 1 finger to show the world how you feel.

   How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?

   My friend told me, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." So I hit him with a dictionary on his head - that showed him.

   I was driving the other day and I didn't stop at a stop sign, A police car pulled me over and a police man got out and asked "Did you see that stop sign?" Apparently I shouldn't have said "Yeah, but I didn't see you."

   I hate when I'm admiring my good looks from a car's window reflection and the people inside think I'm staring at them.

   Your ex will leave you, talk bad about you, act like they never knew you, miss you, hit you up and wonder why you don't reply... F*CK YOU

   I don’t understand why some people are SO obsessed about having friends…. Last time I checked caskets didn’t come with bunk beds…. f*ck em.

   Drake music be having you missing somebody else's ex.

   99 problems.... but a blessing will come.

   Fake eyelashes are okay if they look natural, but some of you women look like you gonna take flight if you blink too fast.

   I wish a girl would invite me in her house and not give me that ass.... B*tch I'm slamming doors, banging pots and blowing the horn when I leave.

   Ghetto people are always naming their kids after stuff they cant afford: Mercedes, Diamond, Bentley, Pearl, Light Bill, Rent, Car Insurance.

   I'm thinking of getting a tattoo saying, "I'll regret this one day"

   I just seen someone update their status on Facebook to "I Wish Every Guy Was Like Jack From The Titanic." What... Dead at the bottom of the ocean?

   You've never been truly drunk until you've had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.

   A report indicates V iagra can cause temporary hearing loss in men. So guys, you can have sex, but you can’t hear the woman talk afterwards. In a related story, V iagra sales have skyrocketed.