K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   I'm not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I'm forgetting to do.

   I saw a couple of signs that read "END ROAD WORK". Now I'm all for a good protest, but I just can't get aboard with this one.

   Pretty soon people will be saying, "You were born in the 1900's?"

   Looking forward to Egg Salad Monday.

   It was earth hour last night at 8:30. I turned everything off for an hour, couldn't see a damn thing...so I built a tire fire for some light. Still trying to put it out.

   When I win the Mega-Millions, I'm going to buy so many dishes, pans and silverware That I never have to wash them again, just use them once and throw them away.

   Has anyone seen my invisible pants?

   If you really want to go green, start using BOTH sides of your toilet paper.

   You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.

   My daily workout?........ running late for work

   If your house is hit by a dolphin, don't go outside to see if the dolphin is alright, that's how the hurricane tricks you to come outside.

   If your not pissing green tomorrow, you're doing today wrong.

   If I were found dead, the CSI's would check my wallet and find no money and assume it was murder and I was robbed. Good luck the investigation, my wallet never has money in it.

   Sit on my face, I'm Irish!

   We have come so far. Computers, Moon landing, Mars rover, Hubble telescope taking pictures of thing light years away...and yet we still need a sign telling employees to wash their hands.

   I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.

   Remember when you'd be driving along and see a smashed cassette tape by the side of the road with the tape stretched out forever, flying on the breeze of every passing car? I miss those days.

   Insomnia is nature's way of saying you're not done bugging people for the day.

   A whole pot of and three Redbulls.....I can pronounce that symbol that Prince had for his name.

   If you want to get in to a womens pants, get into her mind.....that's what she uses to figure out if you're getting into her pants or not.