Jbabcock Funny Status Messages

   Donald and Daisy Duck must have a romantic passionate marriage. No one "wears the pants' in the relationship. Matter of fact I've never known them to wear any pants at all! Wow the secret to a passionate marriage must be "no pants."

   Most men would never agree to marriage if they knew how rare it was to mate in captivity.

   Common sense Nursing is knowing that you should never take a laxative when you have a bad cough.

   Going to a chain bookstore and finding all the books on lower back pain on the bottom shelf is most likely result of hiring college grads with degrees like "Art History" and only paying them minimum wage.

   The Pinky Toe:The most sensitive part of your body when it comes to finding furniture in the Dark.

   Women use their purses as a way to "mark" their territory while shoppin. They make us men hold their purses . I don't care if your Arnold Schwarzenegger, you look like a doofus holding your wifes purse outside a Fashion Barn dressing room.

   I'm not saying Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are talentless and incapable of attracting faithful fans. What I'm saying is that most of those fans still live in Grandma's Basement and keep the great American product KY Jelly in steady production.

   I'm better than most people. Even in the small things. Like when I use a Public Toilet I can easily ascertain that I'm better than 95% of the people who've been there because I know how to flush properlly.

   After looking for hours I'm pretty sure Waldo has the d@mn remote again.

   Now remember, in a romantic passionate marriage no one wears the pants.

   All my Wargaming Buddies need to keep this in mind: The game is just ga without me..

   I've decided that my years of experience as a Nurse will help me become a millionaire. I've designed a new adult diaper which is as comfortable as a huggie and is made from Sham Wow fabric. I'm calling it "The Sham Pooey".

   Comic book fans are enraged that Superman's new costume no longer has his underwear on the outside. The only guy who is happy about this is his Dry Cleaner. He knows poop stains which require kryptonite to remove are a serious pain in the a$$!

   Have you ever noticed after reading some peoples notices that they are just trying to get noticed. I also noticed that no one sends them a notice that their notice wasn't worth noticing.

   Most husbands often fantasize about Googling their Twitter on their wife's Facebook. Married reality for me is that she wont even look at Myspace anymore.

   When it comes to attempting to have a great date night with your Spouse it's kind of a "You win some and You lose some" situation. But everyone knows its a great night when finally "You get some".

   Every day as the years go by I find myself missing a special certain someone from my past. Lucky for me my aim is improving.

   5 Things you don't want wake up and to hear during your Surgery: 5)Ok folks,let's dig in 4) Accept this sacrifice oh Great Lucifer 3) Fifi! Come back with that! Bad Dog! 2) Oops! My contact lense! 1) It's ALIIIVE!!

   My family loves the Patriot Gaurd Motercycle Riders who shielded us at my nephews military funeral. At the next military funeral I want to also invite the Hell's Angels to give the same love to those protesting hatemongers that they give to others.

   The Patriot Gaurd Motorcycle Riders were awesome at protecting my family from a$$hole Westboro Baptist Haters at my nephews military funeral. Maybe the Hell's Angels to also come and give the same love those hatemongers give others at the next funeral.