FADOLO Funny Status Messages

   I decided to get in touch with my feminine side today. I made myself a sandwich.

   Sees you just vacuumed the floor. Opens up a Nature Valley bar.

   I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.

   Food stamps are the new “Hey, I finished SOME community college.”

   You can stop lifting weights now; it's actually your personality that nobody likes.

   Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it's like a high-five for your feet.

   Pretty sure I know what my GF is getting me for Christmas. When I guessed, "a threesome?" she got all angry like I'd ruined the surprise.

   If a car in front of me is driving slow, I move to the side a little so the cars behind me can see I'm not causing the traffic

   Might have to break down and start wearing condoms. My crabs were just diagnosed with herpes.

   Why dont you ever see people standing on corners holding homeless signs when its raining out.....Cause them muther fckers are at home

   Mary Jane is the only woman that won't complain when you hit her.

   "the govt doesn't want you to use YOUR drugs, they want you to use THEIR drugs

   In sta gram was much more exciting when I thought it was a fast c0caine service.

   Whte Kid: SHUT UP MOM!!! Mom: *Shuts Up* Blck Kid: SHUT UP MOM! *Wakes up* Where am I? Doctor: Intensive care. O.O

   Girls who say, "a lot of guys are after me", should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers.

   If you have to give me CPR and your breath stinks just let me die.

   Shout out to all the girls who's tittiez look like they have been left in water too long

   "Everyday I'm buffering" – Youtube

   Shout out to all the girls who know how to arch that back right when you giving her back shots

   If you're not still a little drunk on Monday morning I'm not buying your good weekend story.