Abraham Lincoln Funny Status Messages

   Before ou diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not in fact surrounded by a$$holes!!!

   I found an old coin and took it to a coin expert to examine it! He said ''This could be worth $5,000,000.00!'' After catching my breath I gasped ''Really?"' he tossed it back to me and said ''Yeah, if you use it to scratch off a winning lottery ticket!!!'

   No matter how old you are, how stiff, how brittle,you can always still put your foot in your mouth!!!

   Due to the Economy, remember that money I said never to worry about?!!!

   I wish cake went straight to my Pen!s!!

   It may appear like I'm doing nothing, but i'm actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!

   I do not like being told what to do unless I'm naked!

   Michael Vick announced that he is probably going to get another Dog soon! Dogs now are like ''Meow!''

   There are only two things I want out of life! 1. Lose Weight 2. Eat!

   ''See that guy over there carrying my golf bag? That's the one job i've created!!!''----President Obama

   I know we are in a seious debate on your status! And I totally disagree with everything you've said. But I can't commnt yet, because I have no idea what I' talking/arguing about, and i'm waiting for Google to load!!!

   Think about how stupid the average person is,and then realize that half of them are stupider than that!!!

   ''Mommy does Barbie come with Ken?'' ......''No sweetheart she comes with G.I.Joe, she just fakes it with Ken!!!''

   Women are just like cartons of Orange Juice! It's not the size or shape that matters. Or even how sweet the juice is. It's getting those Fking flaps open!!!

   For the first time ever Women's IQ test scores are higher than Men's!......But to keep it fair they didn't include the ''Blondes'' scores!!!

   Music is my Escape from all the Bullsh!t in Life!!!

   If your a$$ had a ''Like'' button, I'd hit it!!!

   This has been the Hottet July in U.S. history! And not just because of ''Magic Mike'' and ''50 Shades of Grey'' temperatures have benn up also!!!

   For the first time in History, the average Canadian is now wealthier than the average American! Don't be discouraged though, this just gives us the option to borrow money from someone else now!!!

   If sex beteen three people is called a threesome, and between two people a twosome, I now understand why people call you handsome!!!