Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 698 of 6382
Day 4 without net neutrality: the kids found a half eaten raccoon we can eat. Grandma is wandering the streets looking for Candy Crush lives. We’re burning furniture to stay warm.
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06-19-2018 05:43
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I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
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06-19-2018 04:48
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I once booked a cruise just so I could walk around for 7 days saying “Looks like we’re all in the same boat” to everyone else on board.
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06-19-2018 02:11
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* The difference between trump and kim firing someone trump "YOU'RE FIRED" kin: ready, aim,
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06-19-2018 00:00
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My memory is so bad that.............
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06-18-2018 23:44 by Jake
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When someone says "good luck with that" are they being nice or sarcastic?
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06-18-2018 22:58 by Jake
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If you go to sleep at 6am, is that going to sleep early or late?
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06-18-2018 22:56 by Jake
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The weather guy said I should drink plenty of electrolytes in this heat, does beer have electrolytes? Asking for a friend.
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06-18-2018 21:05
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Bummer is being sick on your day off.
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06-18-2018 16:39 by Jake
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Dear Dos Equis guy: Seriously. What guy DOESN'T think he's the most interesting man in the world after he's had a few beers?
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06-18-2018 11:11
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With the rise in self-driving vehicles it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where the guy's pickup truck leaves him too.
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06-18-2018 10:30
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"Don't Kid Yourself" would be a great advertising slogan for a condom company.
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06-18-2018 08:17
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I think I have alzheimer's
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06-17-2018 23:26 by Jake
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Look, Do you think I'll now what's up in "Horny Neighbors 3" without seeing the first 2?
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06-17-2018 16:04
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Einstein was a genius. It was his brother Frank that created a monster.
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06-17-2018 13:03
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You would think I am a fugitive on the run the way I react when there is a knock on my door.
Ted Cruz beats Jim Kimmel (11-9) in Blobfish basketball classic game
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06-17-2018 01:46
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Who's your daddy takes on a whole new meaning in the ghetto.
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06-17-2018 01:20 by Jake
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What dad's really would like for father'r day. To be left alone so they can drink their beer in peace.
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06-16-2018 22:48 by Jake
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WebMD is updating their servers because of a virus. Well, they think it's a virus, but it could be kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis.
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06-16-2018 17:50 by Fluff!!
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