Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 673 of 6446

There’s good sex, then there’s no-hole-left-untouched sex.

Don't worry. My bedroom cameras are for research purposes only.

People should be tested for emissions. They’re exhausting.

[watching porn] me: she didn't wash her hands, that's how you get the flu.
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02-10-2019 05:40
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I'd love to hang out with you, but this nap isn't going to take itself.
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02-10-2019 05:38
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Interviewer: This says you tend to jump to conclusions Me: So I'm hired?
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02-10-2019 05:33
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This girl at the bar is winking at me. Now she's using the other eye. Never mind, she's passing out.

Thinking about opening a hamburger joint out in Utah I'll call it "Five Wives"
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02-10-2019 05:22
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I ended things because of how bad she was in bed, the sex was great but her napping skills were terrible.
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02-10-2019 05:21
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I miss having a grown up for a president.
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02-10-2019 03:25
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Baby Lives Matter!
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02-09-2019 23:02
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Daffy donald maked another gaffe. He cheers the faithful for "abolition of civil rights." Or did he ?
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02-09-2019 22:35
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Met a lady yesterday...It was love at first sight...Then I took a second look !!
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02-09-2019 17:36 by DaBull
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I ran into my ex the other day...hit reverse...and ran into her again.
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02-09-2019 17:31 by DaBull
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People on the Left are like an old TV Set. They have to be slapped occasionally to get the picture.
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02-09-2019 17:27
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The Early Bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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02-09-2019 16:51
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If you are paying $3.00 for Smart Water, it isn't working.
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02-08-2019 21:30
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That moment, when your jerk boss says they are resigning. !!!!!!!!!!!!!
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02-08-2019 20:19
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People say “the early bird gets the worm.” But everyone freaks out when I drink tequila at 8am
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02-08-2019 14:35 by Cicci
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I smile at dogs more than I smile at people.