Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 656 of 6446

I'm no socialist but I do believe everyone is born with an inherent right to as many dipping sauces for their mcnuggets as they want.
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05-05-2019 13:01
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Guys, please recycle. We wanna leave a better world for Betty White and Keith Richards when we’re gone.
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05-05-2019 12:59
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I wish my car's back-up camera had a "Save" button, because some of the expressions on their faces.
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05-05-2019 12:58
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This is your yearly reminder to not put bananas in fruit salads
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05-05-2019 12:58
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please don't be laundry in here, please don't be laundry in here, please don't be laundry in here... -me opening the dryer
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05-05-2019 12:57
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Only supporting the far-rights isn't uniting people. Just saying.
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05-05-2019 11:53
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The number of hobbies a man has is directly proportionate to how cray his wife is...
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05-05-2019 10:12
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If any part of your life is "ultra", I don't have the energy to be friends with you...
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05-05-2019 08:04
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How can someone support anyone who ONLY supports the far-right?
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05-05-2019 03:00
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May the 4th be with you all today.
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05-04-2019 12:40
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brb getting down to business to defeat the Huns

Yeah, I've always heard of it, and the young and old, but the fact is that we have to be awake for a few days ago by the end of the season.
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05-04-2019 00:45
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I only buy extra virgin olive oil...Because I don't know where those other oils have been.
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05-03-2019 14:15 by JohnY
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I tried to order plain Jello at a restaurant and it was fruitless.
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05-03-2019 13:03
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Avengers: Endgame, Spoiler Alert! Despite impossible odds and seemingly insurmountable obstacles, the good guys still manage to win.
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05-03-2019 11:20
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Thanks for bringing back a lot of classic diseases, anti-vaxxers!
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05-03-2019 11:18
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RIP Chewbacca aka Peter Mayhew. I’d like to say a few words if I may. RAAARAWWARARWAAAR.
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05-02-2019 19:50 by Cicci
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"I'm more night hamster than owl," I say, pushing another wad of food into my cheek pouch at 2:00am.
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05-02-2019 10:45
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My wife likes it doggie style. I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.
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05-01-2019 14:14
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If I owned a company, I'd make my stock symbol WTF just so I could hear the TV guys say WTF all day...
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05-01-2019 10:54
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