Funny Status Messages

   Twitter: Its just like being stranded on a "lonely" island and writing a small, meaningless message to be put in a bottle and thrown out to sea hoping somebody will write you back.

   Here's a question: You ever wonder how many REAL friends you had before the whole Facebook, Myspace, & Twitter thing came into existence?.......You're wondering now.

   dont take a sleeping pill and a laxative before bed...

   You boys stay off of my yard, there's no damn milkshakes there!

   loves when people say "I tell it like it is." Really? How about you tell it like it isn't just to shake things up a bit?

   its been proven that 6 out of 7 dwarfs arn't happy

   becames friends with the Pillsbury Doughboy just so I could poke him.

   I wonder if the The Pillsbury Doughboy gets pissed if you poke him on Facebook?

   Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!

   thinks facebook should let you know when someone unfriends you so you can send them evil thoughts. their way.

   realized you can continue to vomit LONG after you thought you were done.

   born under a bad sign with a blue moon in my eyes

   there's no I in TEAM but there's a ME in TEAM!!!

   Touching The Sun, Kissing The Rain and Tasting The Motherfu**in' Rainbow !!!

   don't you hate it when you miss a call by the last ring, but when you immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail? What did the person do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

   The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

   hated it when old aunts used to come up to her at weddings, poke her in the ribs and cackle, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

   heard there was a party in your pants, but she is pretty sure she won't be coming

   trying to remember what we all used to do before facebook was invented

   Dating is for suckers who are spending a lot of money and aren't getting any.