Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 625 of 6382
A word of advice guys, When a girl says "Aw that's that's very sweet of you" when you ask her out on a date what she's really trying to say is "Back into the friends zone with you!"
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12-27-2018 15:12 by Moon
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When a girl says "Aw that's that's very sweet of you" to a male friend who asks her out on a date what she's really trying to say is "Back into the friends zone with you!"
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12-27-2018 15:08 by Moon
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For Sale.. 2019 gym membership Willing to trade for a case of beer and a large pizza...msg me for details...
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12-27-2018 13:54
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My New Year's resolution is to be more social by deleting all my social networks.
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12-27-2018 11:41
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I should ask all of my exe's on a scale of 1-10 how good of a boyfriend I was...and then totally ignore anyone who doesn't say 10 cause I cant stand liars
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12-27-2018 09:20
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"It's December 26. Happy Valentines Day!" - a store near you.
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12-26-2018 21:32
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my New Year's resolution is to exercise (my right to be lazy)
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12-26-2018 19:23 by Eddy
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Loving and all these Christmas photos you're posting of your families who look as joyous and festive as the family who came with a picture frame I bought a while ago, who I also don't know.
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12-26-2018 13:21 by Moon
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Wednesday is the new Monday and Thursday is the new Hump Day.
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12-26-2018 11:19
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Happy Confused Camel Day!!
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12-26-2018 08:47
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Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. For skills I possess when shaving my nuts that I could apply to other aspects of my life!
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12-26-2018 08:02 by Stevielea
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To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant.
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12-25-2018 21:24 by JCGJ
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Advice for those people who want to discuss politics tomorrow at the dinner table... Just don't
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12-24-2018 22:06 by Zinc
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You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. Youre moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. Youve just crossed into Facebook!
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12-24-2018 21:55
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I think for Christmas Mark Zuckerberg should share some of his wealth with us all we helped him make, or at least give us fonts.
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12-24-2018 14:54
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You know what most people are getting for Christmas? Fat.
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12-24-2018 11:29
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What’s your favorite Nickelback song? Don’t even pretend you don’t have one or that you hate them.
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12-24-2018 11:18
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I like being invited to things, it’s the showing up that bothers me.
Pictures of missing rich kids should go on the back of skimmed-milk!
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12-23-2018 11:48 by Truman
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The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas. As if he wasn't going to see me 5 more times before then.
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12-23-2018 07:16
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