Funny Status Messages

   Thanks to all my FB Friends, for once again, reminding me it's Friday. This is also FB Spring Cleaning Weekend. Time to remove all the apps, polls, fan pages, pictures and friends you just don't need or want anymore.

   says Once a cobra bit Bear Grylls' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

   it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

   When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

   I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

   I saw the commercial for Southwest that advertized "Bags Fly Free" and I thought it said "Fags Fly Free". I got sooo excited for a minute!

   The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners.

   Rain with sunshine today... the devil must be beating his wife.

   In it's purest sense, redistribution of wealth is when I buy dogfood, feed it to my dogs, and they sh#t it out all over my yard...

   saw a man get out of his convertible at Wal-Mart yesterday, take two steps and then turn back to lock the doors. I chuckled because the top was down.

   Mother rabbit to baby bunny: "A magician pulled you out of a hat. Now stop asking questions."

   Reasoning Behind Most Comments to A Woman's Photos: 75%-Looks, 20%-Talent, 5%- REAL Talent.

   When you r right no one remembers... But When you r wrong no one forgets..!

   Rated R for disturbing violent content, language and some nudity

   has decided that instead of flipping off these idiot drivers I'm just going to blow them a kiss instead.

   So I just went shopping for a night stand. the chick tried to sell me two. I was like I only need one . She didnt get it. So I asked her out.

   if you could have anything right now, what would you have? I want to have a healthy heart, to walk, to see, to hear, to have awesome friends and a wonderful family.....OH WAIT! I have that already so pretty much Nothing, man. I'm happy as is.

   thinks that the legalization of marijuana for medicinal purposes should have been part of the Health Care Bill. I could then have developed a serious case of anal glaucoma and I would be too stoned to care about all the money this is going to cost us.

   about to beat my di@# like it owes me money.

   ...and then Buffy staked Edward. The end... ahahahahaha....did I kill the series? Can we be done with Vampires Light ?