Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Wave your hands in the air, if a bee is right there.

   Why is it so hard to find a soothsayer in this day and age?!

   its come to my attention its been sometime since many of you have brought the noise/and or funk

   I keep all the extra buttons that come with clothes just in case I ever need an extra 973 buttons

   i'm going to take a pic of my son and use age progression to see what he looks like at 16. I'll keep it in his room, and when he finally figures out its him, I'm gonna try and convince him he's a time traveler

   Leonard B. Stern inventor of Mad Libs died yesterday of EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA. He is survived by his lovely PLATYPUS, CLARABELLE and his 99 LAWN DARTS. He will truly be A DINOSAUR

   Sales of Lady Gaga's newest CD have dropped 85% in the second week. As people have started actually listening to it.

   When you bring the Taco Bell 12 pack of tacos to the party. You won't be finding yourself invited to a lot of parties.

   When I hear you say: "We need to work together." What I hear is you saying" "I'm not smart enough to complete this task."

   In 50 years, a bunch of 80 year-olds will know all the words to Ice Ice Baby.

   Looking for a new job. One that I can sit at a long table, take off my glasses, and say "If your calculations are correct...my God have mercy on our souls" Pay negotiable

   I don't often use violence on my coworkers. But when I do, I prefer the pimp slap. Stay frosty my friends.

   I was pretty sure that at this point in my career, I would have henchmen by now

   How would you even go about putting 99 bottles of beer on the wall in the first place?

   If it wasn't for professional wrestling the companies that make metal trash cans would go out of business

   I won't take a bullet for ANYONE because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet, you have time to move.

   Don't shoot the messenger. Unless his message is that he's going to stab you next week.

   Was anyone else hoping that the final Oprah show would include wearing tracksuits, taking poison and waiting for the mother ship to appear?

   every time I come home after being around another dog, mine looks at me like I cheated on him

   I hate having to hold my wife's purse when she's buying shoes, especially when she's buying them on Zappos!