Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 607 of 6446

Teacher: You failed your exam. Student: You failed to teach me.
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09-13-2019 06:58
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Trump’s more of a basketball guy. Can’t get enough of the Spurs.
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09-13-2019 01:07
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Children are the future..... but probably not your children.
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09-12-2019 21:28
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I've been eating cucumber slices instead of chips and when I close my eyes, I pretend I'm eating something more enjoyable, like broken glass or rusty nails.
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09-12-2019 15:42
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ME: (in prison) Come on man! I know you can bust us out of here! KOOL-AID MAN: *closes his bible and looks up* I’m not about that life anymore.
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09-12-2019 15:41
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Someone just caught me picking my nose at a stop light. Had to just cut my losses and run the red light.
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09-12-2019 10:51
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thank you for the funny jokes and tweets again.. ahhhhh
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09-12-2019 10:46
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Hormones are cool if you like crying during dog food commercials.
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09-12-2019 10:44
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Whenever anyone asks me where I grew up I point to a random spot in the room and say "Over there."
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09-12-2019 10:42
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My current wife doesn't like when I call her that
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09-12-2019 10:39
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Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
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09-12-2019 10:36
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Once, just once, I'd like to be able to use the word skedaddling in an everyday conversation.
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09-12-2019 10:33
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my roommate broke up with his girlfriend last night at a fancy restaurant and she started bawling.... everyone thought he proposed to her and started clapping.
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09-12-2019 10:07
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ME: (meeting the devil) I love your eggs.
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09-12-2019 10:07
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Guess who just bragged about what they did the day of September 11 and made it about them.
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09-11-2019 22:47
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I just read a statistic that someone gets hit by a car every eight seconds. That guy must be hurtin', man.
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09-11-2019 19:53
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Vaping doesn't kill people, people kills people.
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09-11-2019 18:03
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Copy and Paste this status if you think Spectrum needs to learn what a "Limited-time Offer" means and needs stop sending us never ending letters in the mail telling us that.
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09-11-2019 11:02
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Tell me your dreams and fantasies! Mine is seeing Deadpool and Freddy Krueger pillow fight.
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09-11-2019 08:33
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Someone stole my debit card, went and spent $60 at a restaurant and only left a $4 tip. It’s not even your card, and you leave a $4 tip. Unreal
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09-11-2019 08:33
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