Funny Status Messages

   In these times, when a celebrity cheats on his wife with multiple women, he gets criticized and exploited everywhere. Back in the founding father days, a man cheats and his face ends up on the 1, 5, 10, 20, 50, and 100 dollar bill.

   how many tweets could tweetybird tweet if tweetybird could tweet tweets

   was thinking, if lesbians use vibrators......isn't that cheating?

   would it be cruel to kidnap a man and keep him for purely sexual reasons?

   would if be cruel to kidnap a man and keep him for purely sexual reasons?

   Mmmmm..ice cream sandwiches....i feel like such a tool though after chasing the ice cream truck screaming "wait, ice cream man"!

   giggles everytime I see a "no shoes, no shirt, no service" sign. I am guessing that they don't care if you come in bare a$$ed?

   May the 4th be with you...but I need a Fifth.

   has been temporarily disconnected from AT&T...and my iPhone...where in the hell am I?!

   wondering if a strap-on is considered an artificial limb?

   A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

   loves the smell of a home-cooked breakfast...mmmm bacon...now how do I get that smell in my house?

   if I win the 265 millon California lottery this week , I am gunna fly to Somalia and collect all the trillons of Dollars I've won from all My DEAD realatives and take over the world !!!

   wondering if a strap-on is considered as an artificial limb?

   seen Willy's Wonka and is not impressed.

   I went to Japan and got myself a discount prostitute. She love me moderate time.

   I didn't call you Fred Flintstone because I thought you could make my bed rock!! ;-) I called you Fred Flintstone because that brick of a line was prehistoric!! ;-p Practice your game

   Thought about staying home from work today but then I remembered the thousands of people on welfare are depending on me, I owe I owe its off to work I go.....

   ❒ Taken ❒ Single ✔ Pimpin

   Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.