Funny Status Messages

   What do I do when I see someone EXTREMELY GOOD LOOKIN'? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired, I put the mirror down!

   I do it because I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.

   it's illegal to sleep in the nude in Minnesota. Like Really? What are the officer's gonna say if I answer the door clothed. "We had some Complaints..."

   Cyber sex is not as easy as it sounds. I should have picked a less crowded Starbucks.

   just saw a commercial for the Hogwarts place at universal... so down to take shrooms and go, who's down?

   I can't help but notice the majority of People Magazine's "Never Before Seen Photos" are photos I have no desire to see at all..

   I need to throw that guy a "get a life" jacket...

   just went to recycle some bottles and cans at the food store, the return area wasnt open yet, I went into ask them to open it and when I came out a crack head stole my cart and was running down the block with it.

   wish life was a bed of roses!!! I would do nothing but sleep all day!!!

   boy you couldnt pour piss out of a boot if the instructions was on the heel!!!

   Then you aint to proud to clean up some oil are you? o btw I hope you choke on a crumpet

   says the last argument was his fault. She asked what was on the TV, he replied "dust".

   Last night I said to the wife let's get rated R. So I pulled down my pants and she cussed and punched me in the face.

   every time Sarah Palin speaks, a moose dies...

   Don't worry... I'm a doctor on the Internet.

   Hey lady in the other car, eating and talking on your cell phone. It's called a Ford Focus, not a Ford Multi-task.

   If I had nothing left to complain about, I'd complain about that.

   So I guess the movie 'Armageddon' shows that oil workers are better at destroying asteroids than stopping oil leaks

   Times Like These Were made for Nudity.

   5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.