Funny Status Messages

   In about 50 years from now, tombstones will read 'Beloved Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, and Facebook friend

   You never realize how weird your family is until you start to describe them to someone else

   I don't care if you don't accept my friend request. Just thought you'd like to see what we say about you on our wall!

   It's hotter than the devils fart outside!

   went to a shrink today. She says I have a split personality. Charged me 84.00. I paid her 42.00 and told her to get the rest from the other biyach!

   walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64k,128k,256k,512k and 1mb. That was a trip down memory lane

   whew... stocks drop 900 points..... wish it were like a married woman and rarely went down

   Glow-in-the-dark condoms: now you see it, now you don't!

   It took me many years to lose my mind. Why the hell would I want a piece of yours?

   Friday...the dirty librarian of the days of the week...she starts out all respectable but by 11 o'clock you know some crazy sh#ts going down...

   OUCH! Why does a papercut always have to feel like a gunshot wound!?!

   On this rediculously windy day I have decided to reinforce my toupee with extra strength polly grip

   getting a tattoo on my forhead of the word "Idiot", because it seems that everyone that I come across already thinks that I am. So I have decided to just put it out there for them so they don't waste anymore time in trying to figure it out.

   if meat is murder, I will have my murder medium rare done please...

   been used and has a lot of miles, but is in great condition...she's a classic ;)

   had it rough growing up. We was so poor, even our rainbows were black and white...

   "The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source." -- George Washington

   Taser? If that guy had been a Rangers fan the Texas cops would have shot him dead.

   GUMP 2010: Shrimp is the fruit of the Gulf. Dey's uh, shrimp-kabob in oil, shrimp creole in oil, shrimp gumbo in oil, pan fried in oil, deep fried in oil, stir-fried in oil. There's pineapple shrimp in oil, lemon shrimp in oil, thats about it.

   Liquor and Poker... Oh, Wait.. you wanted to drink and play cards... well now. Everybody knows where my mind was at."