jake Funny Status Messages

   What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo recieves before leaving the factory? Two test-tickles.

   Getting married is the second most popular thing we do in our lifetime. Getting divorce is the first.

   The one good thing about an egotist. They don't talk about other people.

   I've been hard at work all day today. I accidentally took a viagra pill in stead of my vitamin this morning.

   I never go to bed with ugly women. But somehow I wake up with them.

   My memory is so bad that.............

   When someone says "good luck with that" are they being nice or sarcastic?

   If you go to sleep at 6am, is that going to sleep early or late?

   Bummer is being sick on your day off.

   I think I have alzheimer's

   Who's your daddy takes on a whole new meaning in the ghetto.

   What dad's really would like for father'r day. To be left alone so they can drink their beer in peace.

   Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.

   Ladies, you can tell that your boyfriend really likes you when he removes the dirty dishes from the kitchen sink before peeing in it.

   Most licenses expire..... Except for the one most husbands wish would.

   Play boy no longer have nude models...... What is this world coming to.

   Boss at meeting said it would nice if you employees would start showing me a little respect. One employee replied oh we show you as little respect as possible.

   I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.

   My wife jabbers so much that when we go to the beach, she has to put suntan lotion on her tongue.

   Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.