flipphonescott Funny Status Messages

   looking for a female that will go down on me as much as dish network does!

   that was good I walked into walmart and walkout pissed off and a headache in under 2 mins. is it wrong to want to flip off the golden girl at the front door when she says have a nice day

   have you ever logged on to do a 5 min project on-line and 3 hours later you are kinda suicidal ?

   I'm no grammar Nazi, but I hate when a girl's period comes late

   Money can't buy happiness, but somehow it's a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...

   It's hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.

   for fun put some pop rocks in the cats litter pan

   any body else going to grab a six pack order a pizza and watch the GOP convention?

   I'm single by choice. Not MY choice, but it's still a choice.

   has no problem GETTING it together, I just can't KEEP it together

   marry the 1st girl who unhooks it for you! She hates to see you struggle

   "My alarm clock probably thinks I have anger-management issues."

   FREEBIRD! (When you purchase a bird of equal or lesser value.)

   I hate waiting in lines. I wish this lady would hurry up and pick a suspect already."

   "Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge."

   "I love to cook with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food."

   "As an alternative to dieting, I'm going to simply refer to myself as "value-sized"."

   When gas stations start charging for air--that's inflation

   "There should be a body shop called Auto Correct."

   Do you ever take a couple of ibuprofen just in case?