doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   Adult gummy Melatonin: because while fat, drunk and stupid might be the American norm, fat drunk stupid and sleep deprived is unacceptable.

   Ever like someone so much that you just want to chew on their hiney?

   I am not down with OPP but I'm definitely down with the sickness

   One time I lost my phone for 6 days, so I feel your struggle Malaysia

   Malaysia Air uses Waze Maps

   Adult gummy Melatonin: because while fat, drunk and stupid might be the American norm, fat, drunk, stupid and sleep deprived is unacceptable.

   I've wiped my bottom 47 times already. It's like there's someone back there with a paintbrush trying to p!ss me off.

   I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"

   I wonder if Sarah Jessica Parker auditioned for the lead role in "War Horse"?

   I tried on a Trojan Magnum...its really hard to breathe in those things.

   Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.

   Going in Build-A-Bear shirtless wasn't creepy until I started holding up unstuffed animals asking the cashier which ones match my eyes

   A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar

   Valentine Day weekend is over. I think Helen Keller plays the role of cupid in my love life.

   Bob Costas' eyes went down on Ludmila Pachinko.

   Idiots who have lift kits on their trucks and have over 22 inch rims use Axe on their tires.

   Hey! Idiot! 74 hashtags is good for your instagram picture! No...not 2 or 3...74.

   This whiskey would pair nicely with soft bosoms.

   The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.

   Actually, when I asked if my hangover could get any worse, it was more of a rhetorical question than a challenge