Sully Funny Status Messages

   Things I wish I could unsee: 1. Miley Cyrus twerking 2. Miley Cyrus riding that foam finger 3. Miley Cyrus

   Wait!! Its Tim Tebow's birthday today and Tom Brady got hurt..... Jesus take the wheel.

   Nancy Grace TONIGHT: George Zimmerman's secret plot to kill the Royal Baby.

   @piersmorgan I'll give away all my weapons, if you axe Rachel Jeantel to read a letter that's written in cursive.... PLEASE

   A lot of folks are going to be upset that the Zimmerman jury didn't come to a verdict tonight. A prime weekend looting night, down the drain..

   I bet Zimmerman didn't even kill Martin. I bet it was Aaron Hernandez....

   Wow. The people of Egypt are really going nuts over this Zimmerman trial..

   I checked Rosetta Stone, they don't have "Black English" instruction & I don't know who to axe about it? #donlemon

   They're gearing us up for a race war. Don't play into it, Americans....

   Dumb is the new smart...

   I bet Aaron Hernandez is pretty pumped he can legally marry his cell mate.

   Nick Wallenda would never fail a sobriety test.... WOW!!

   Maybe Aaron Hernandez killed Tony Soprano?

   Hey Obama … I just took a leak, but I didn't have my phone with me. Thought you'd like to know.

   Tropical Storm 2013 Tip: To avoid lacerations while looting, be sure to wear puncture-resistant silicone oven mitts when crowbarring shop windows.....

   McDonalds Golden Arches is kind of like Batman's Bat-Signal for fat people....

   I'm not like, a tornado expert or nothing, but if you see one, the general idea is that you run AWAY from it? Storm chasers are suicidal....

   Doesn't take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle -- N. Schwarzkopf

   Before you get married ask yourself: is this the person you want to watch stare at their phone the rest of your life?

   I read that they are allowing Boy Scouts to be gay.... I thought it had always been mandatory that they were gay?